Well I Won't Stand Here Doing Nothing
by Moniquita2
Summary: Commander Agatha Shepard from Colonist, War Hero origin formulates a plan when in (SPOILER!) house arrest after the events Mass Effect 2, and that DLC in which we blow up a batarian system. There must be something she can do before the Reapers arrive! Shenko, because Kaidan. T rating because some, little foul language. More chapters to come.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: This is the first long fanfic I'll write. You can be sure to expect more chapters from this. I know it's not long… but I promise more in the next one. I also promise I will not abandon you to HIATUS. Thank you for reading, commenting, judging, enjoying and accompanying.**

 ** _Solar System: Earth: Vancouver: Alliance HQ._**

She wasn't an irrational woman. She did what had to be done, the way it had to be done, when it had to be done. And she always did the most sensible thing when there were options present. She didn't complicate herself with those things that were unavoidable, because as much as she hated to admit it, she could be rather emotional. If she looked back at Mindior, Elysium, the first Normandy, her lost years, Kaidan… and just at everything, every person she couldn't save… she'd go crazy. And yet, "she got what she deserved", according to some bitter officers.

Agatha Shepard took a deep breath, and threw herself into the messy bed covers. Her short black hair stuck out in all directions and her clothes, black shorts and a baggy shirt were wrinkled, even more than they were supposed to. Most people looking at this scene would think that the great commander Shepard, the legend, was no more, had given up and was wallowing in regret. Those who knew her though would see nothing abnormal with it. She, when off-duty, was not picky with her wardrobe, especially if she wasn't going out anywhere, much less with her hair. And… when restricted to one room tidying up the bed, every morning, seemed like some pretty monotone pointless work. No, right now more than anything, she was focused on forming a plan.

After destroying the Batarian relay, she knew she had to be good to her promise, and hand herself over to the Alliance ASAP, only briefly encouraging her crew to make the Reaper truth known when they went on their way. And as Joker and she had stepped out the airlock, with at least twenty rifles pointed at their heads, she thought it was just normal procedure for such a public figure such as she, the cameras were there in the corner, after all. She also thought she had reunited enough goodwill with the Alliance, what with her reputation and willingness to cooperate (she had nothing to hide relating her relationship with Cerberus), that the true trials would take about two weeks, and the rest of the time, it would be a mounted show for the Batarians in order to avoid war. And during that time, she would be able to talk to the important people that had to be talked to in order to pick up their defenses; she was very persuasive and knew exactly what to say in order to convince each personality. Previous experience when talking about reapers had tough her how to breach the topic. Even if that didn't happen, perhaps the press would push hard enough, and the Alliance would be soft enough, to make the trials public. Then, she could talk to the public itself. And there were people outside and inside official channels with more than enough influence and power.

Turns out, she was being too fucking optimistic.

All and every one of them, of the soldiers in the full room had at least 6 years serving, and held suspicions. There was not a single raw, fresh out of the academy amateur. Ones inside, they treated her like any dangerous war criminal, only very a few, but loyal, friendlies. Some came up to her, and paid their respects with a nod, or even a salute, though they immediately received nasty glares, not from her, of course. The trials were as harsh as one can expect them to be, most officers stiff and passive- **aggressive**. Offensive comments and implications were not uncommon. She understood, it slightly angered her, but she understood. And just as she had planned, she was as detailed and honest with her answers as possible… tried to keep it as realistic and easy to digest as possible too… and, inoffensive. There was no "I came back from the death" but "I woke up with no memory of the last two years, and I was told to have been death and brought back. I may as well have been in coma." No "I didn't join you because you didn't let me, and because you had done nothing so far, you fuckers! And if I did, you wouldn't let me!" but "I tried, but turns out, Cerberus had already spread rumors saying I worked with them before I even accepted. I knew coming back meant this, trials that took time those colonists didn't have. And even then, I wasn't sure my assignments would even help them." No "Are you calling me racist? Of course I don't hate batarians!" but "I have no ill feelings towards the race, they just happened to be the ones occupying the system that served the Reapers as a backdoor." No "we'd have the Reapers right here if I hadn't done what I did!" but "we'd have the Reapers right here if I hadn't done what I did! Christ, I bought us time you seem more interested in wasting than anything else!"… Some things just couldn't be said differently.

Their responses had been so stubborn, so stupid, so hateful, and so suspicious, she had been unwillingly transported to that sunny day on Horizon, all with that, now mild at least, gut clenching feeling.

Oh, and the reporters, now of all times, seemed content with the bits and pieces the Alliance occasionally offered.

…Only good news? She was sure she was condemned to a featureless white room and a grumpy bodyguard; instead she got James and a nice apartment with complete furniture and a giant, well placed window.

But, with all the events, one thing became painfully clear: She had to think of something, fast. The longer the people went on ignorant of the thread, the less of a chance they had against the reapers. And she knew exactly who to ask for help. She sat up, determined, stood and… remembered communication was banned for her. She couldn't do it with what had been given with her so far, and going behind the Alliance was not an option. Well, it was, as an institution and a whole. They wouldn't accept a request like that. But she couldn't do it without someone from the Alliance to vouch for her in case of her being caught, which was almost certain within the month. A secret, illegal, unknown, private communication from her was going to make things much harder, if not impossible, at court. The first thing they would think about was a treacherous, ominous and stealthy orange insignia.

So she went, and tapped on the entrance door. "…Lola to Loco!" She said, giving James a bit of his own medicine.

 **Author's note: What do you think? Suggestions? I'll take them, but relax, I will not rely on them. Love! And, by the way, "Loco" is crazy, which I think, thanks to James, you already know. But in case you didn't, well. Also, it isn't an insult between friends in various parts of South America. I know because I am Ecuadorian, and I have seen my brothers call their own friends so. Just in case you were wondering "why would he call Shepard crazy? Or she, him, for that matter?"**


	2. Chapter 2

Kaidan considered himself to be a reasonable man most of the time… a lot of the time… quite a bit… well, he considered himself so. He had made himself a man a long time ago, and not in the typical testosterone proving sense. He had made up his mind about how he wanted to act in life, how he was going to take decisions. And that was by keeping peace with himself. He did what was right, he kept control, didn't risk cutting corners, and he made sure to always leave a way out because it's better to be safe than sorry. He learned from his experiences, kept close to those he trust, and those he didn't… well.

It was rare for him to not follow these rules.

It was rare for his logic to enter in conflict with himself.

Or it had been _._

Recently, not matter the time of the day, he found himself debating things that he had hoped were, since long ago, somewhere in the back of his head gathering dust. And always, without fail, he could trace back the origin of the idea to something, someone, who he had hoped he'd thrown out his mind altogether. And that was Agatha Shepard.

Deep green eyes way too soft for a veteran, short black hair adorably mussed that seemed to belong more to a child than a soldier, pink smiley, happy lips who didn't seem to acknowledge a scar that ran across from them, enthusiastic smart voice that knew what it spoke about, yet maintained a positive look of life, that was the beautiful creature his sub-consciousness kept demanding from him. He had explained to it, it was too big a risk. For all anyone knew, the creature that now portrayed itself as her may as well be a deadly trap. And that wasn't the worst part, it answered, the worst part is that you know. Ones you fall in, you'll want to stay with it forever, ignore reality. Kaidan glared at the datapad in his hands, giving it the little treacherous voice's identity. He refused to believe it, and a third party in his head barged in. But she may be who she claims to be, it said. If so, you are committing the biggest mistake of your life. Leave a way _in_ with this one, better be safe than sorry. Kaidan did not like having his line used against him.

Of course, this was just the easiest way to represent his inner turmoil. If he really heard voices, he would have gone to the psychologist long ago.

So, when he went to Vancouver to meet Anderson for some important reunion that apparently had to be discussed face to face, knowing _she_ was there, even though Anderson had offered to go meet him, he told himself it was because he didn't want to bother the ex-counselor, and that Vancouver was his home.

When he decided to take up a room at HQ, even though his parents had a nice house overlooking the beach and he himself had an apartment, he told himself it was because he wanted to make sure things were running smoothly in his homeland, that he didn't want to get too comfortable because he may have to part soon, assuming he had a new assignment, and that it was the best place to keep up with information.

When he heard someone from across the hallway saying Shepard's bodyguard was way too friendly with her, and he felt something akin to his heart slowly but surely dropping into his stomach to be digested, he told himself it was because he was annoyed at the idea of soldiers' not taking their posts seriously. And when he went over to ask what the guy meant, he told himself that he wanted to make sure this bodyguard was not too biased on his charge. When this guy, lieutenant apparently, answered after a surprised salute that he meant that "Vega" joked around with everyone, but not much with girls. Not the kind of innocent flirting he did with the commander, at least. "Vega is a hulking monster, sir, and I think that is why they chose him. And he shouldn't be so friendly with someone he is meant to keep in check, intimidate a little." The LT finished. When Kaidan felt relieve that there wasn't anything romantic between them, he told himself it was because then the relationship was harmless. He never specified what it may have caused harm against in the first place. What he did feel anger towards, was that this guy was not respecting, or even acknowledging the great deeds Agatha had done. So, he basically chastised the guy into giving her a fucking break… in the most professional of manners. He told himself it wasn't because he wanted to hide anything, he had nothing to hide.

Later, he was departing Andersons's new office, with a new rank, and a new mission. Train biotic students better than he had been trained. And he told himself he was satisfied when he called his parents to tell them the great news, satisfied with his mother's animated congratulations and not craving a vivacious, passionate one from a very different kind of woman. He told himself he truly had called to share with his family and not to fill an ever present gap that only asked for the due attention.

And later that night, when he was walking the corridor after various failed attempts to sleep that he didn't even bother to explain, and he heard her, he told himself he was dreaming. Soon enough he realized that wasn't the case.

"So, how are you feeling, James, proud of yourself?" She asked teasingly, her voice drawing nearer.

"What, Lola, for taking a hot chica into the forbidden?" Vega shot right back as they turned on Kaidan's corner. He hid behind a pillar.

There was a moment where only their footsteps were heard. "Pretty much" she finally answered, in a much more amused voice than Kaidan had expected.

"Well, talking seriously, those are some cabrones. You deserve better than they are giving you, and if you need to talk to anybody, you should be able to. I told ya' so, Lola."

"Yes… but long range communication? You did not even let me tell you why. I am ripping the benefits yet I have to tell you, this is a big leap of faith. We've only known each other, what, a month?"

"I have good instincts. And you, Lola, you couldn't do double faced even if you wanted to."

"Ouch." She said, hand drawing to her heart, truly flattered smile on her face. And it was in this gesture that she saw a just-so imposing, way too recognizable figure leaning against a wall, arms crossed. James came to a full stop beside her, "Amigo, uh, um, aren't you meant to be sleeping?" he asked.

Shepard sighed, "No, James, I know him. Besides you are terrible acting." She muttered, unsure what she should do. She looked into his hazel eyes in the shadows, and all she saw was a cloud of defensive, determined, alert, and a bit angry, suspicion.

 **Author's note: I told you this one would be longer… though only by a hundred or so. Hey guys, a thing I forgot to tell you. I am not good at revising. So, if you see something incoherent, a sentence you don't really understand, or something, tell me. Please.**

 **Again… thank you for reading, commenting, judging, enjoying and accompanying!**

 **Amigo: Friend.**

 **Chica: Girl, chick, woman, etc.**

 **Cabrones: Jerks**


	3. Chapter 3

Her pulse quickened as if she had begun running a hundred meters for the Olympic medal. Her theory was proved. Anytime she hoped for the best, things would fall down and break. She was surprised her 5 years in the military hadn't taught her so before, but before she hadn't been presented with such complex situations. Her optimism always seemed to irradiate into the rest of the unit, and as long as anyone held the breath of "It can be", they'd fight. As long as they kept hope, then there was a possibility. And life just seemed determined on discovering just how close to her heart she kept that conviction. She didn't want to disappoint.

So, she took a deep breath, and set out to do what she always did, find the bright side and the opportunity.

Kaidan's inner voice had been revoked… proved right, more like. The moment he heard her, the little sparks under the surface had all but exploded and turned ash any pretense of indifference. The fact was, he cared for this woman, and there was no point in denying it, whether he liked it or not. Every time he crossed roads with her, he would be brought back to his memories and his feelings, and his heart would beat as fast as it was beating now. A part of him warned that this moment in his life may be a crucial point. And he had to take a decision right now, right here.

How was he going to approach this? He didn't realize it, but as he considered this, his expression slowly relaxed into neutrality.

James was utterly confused. Lola had never seemed to him as the kind to get petrified when faced with the unexpected, or become utterly impassive at high risk situations. However, there she was, not moving a muscle, and emanating next to no feelings, staring intently into the menace. Either she was planning something, or she was terrified, but the latter did not cope well with her Commander Fucking Shepard reputation. Then again, he hadn't known, he momentarily looked at the guy's uniform, stiff Mayors to only glare at captives when they stepped where they were not supposed to, instead of taking the gun out. Or to ignore the bodyguard a hundred percent, not once demanding to know what in the galaxy was going on. Actually, he would never have expected to find himself tonight feeling as the third wheel from witnessing what could only be described as a staring contest. Neither of them seemed to acknowledge his presence.

But he wasn't stupid (contrary to popular belief), and two possibilities were pretty obvious: either he was, in fact, stupid and had no idea how the world worked, or these two had history, parting from what Shepard said, and it was the kind that 'ones upon a time' held a close friendship before resentment presented it's ugly face and festered like a disease. Even though he didn't suspect half of it, he suddenly did feel like he was intruding something private, which made him uncomfortable.

So, he had to break it up, focus on the purpose at hand if he wanted to avoid a report, detention, or dishonorable discharge, and milk all the mysterious details out of Lola ones back on safe ground.

"Look amig-" He trailed off when four perplexed eyes shot towards him. Man, they seriously forgot he was right there. "Mayor, I am taking the prisoner for a private, _authorized_ holo-talk." He said, thinking better.

Kaidan, who had been running a million scenarios in his head, none of which were safe either for him or for them, took the opportunity to take up a part gratefully. She couldn't blame him for making sure their –whatever they had, no, used to- remained a secret. He was just about to give them the clear when he processed what he had been told, a _private_ holo-talk? He frowned again. "And why would the transmission have to be private, lieutenant?"

Shepard immediately went to cover the hole. "Oh, it doesn't have to-"

And so did a nervous Vega "It's with a spouse!" Shepard's eyes snapped tightly shut.

"A- a- a spo- spouse?" Kaidan sputtered with eyes wide and unfocused. They shot towards Shepard's right hand to find it bare. "She isn't married!" He said, or cried out at James with an indescribable mixture of exasperation, aggravation, alarm, relief, doubt, fear, hope, distrust, and a thousand other things, in no particular order. If asked, never would he admit to any of it.

"Sentimental liaisons may also counts for saying 'spouse' in these cases!" Screeched James, not quite believing he actually remembered something from the 'Systems Alliance' theoric classes'.

Kaidan didn't stop to analyze Vega's behavior. He was trying to keep at bay the feeling of an infinity of tiny knifes swimming the way through his chest, his lungs being oppressed tightly by his ribs and thus escaping up into his throat, and his head filled with water. He wanted to think it just couldn't be, she couldn't have moved on from him, not yet, but what did he know? She could easily have been alive this last two years, there would be nothing weird if the woman he had fallen for had been but a façade, things so perfect just didn't go on and about to just welcome his embrace. Then, getting someone else was a minor offence compared to everything else. That was probably it, actually, that would be the most logical explanation, anything else meant that not only had she died, gasping for breath, cracking under the cold, or pointlessly screaming amidst flames, but that she actually went through the shock of discovering she had lost two years of her life, that the universe just went on and on without her. She probably wouldn't understand why, he himself can remember sweating under the covers, pulling, turning, pushing, wailing, trying to understand how could everything still go around, still flow, still move without a moment's pause, a moment to mourn. It didn't seem right for the death of such a perfect, facinating, compasssionate creature to be so inconsequential. Now, he saw it clearly, it was a horrible, painful vision: a cruel, uncaring stream that in some sick way, enjoyed the chaos it created with its imperturbable stride. And she was right in the middle of it. Then she asked, begged for his help the moment she saw him within reach. And all he did was to wish her the best of lucks. That would mean she found herself helplessly dragged with the current, no more able to stop it than she was able to stop her death. And still then, she willingly threw herself down the eventual waterfall because she was convinced it was for the best, not for her but for the cosmos that had treated her so badly, all the while thinking he had long since stopped caring. She wouldn't be at fault then, to look for comfort in the warmth of another floating right besides her.

And that couldn't be right. Could it?

Man, this ate at him.

He not only cared.

He still loved her.

Such was his luck, wasn't it?

Shepard, for her part, still waiting for the shock of James' completely absurd idea to dissipate, finally found the answers to the question she had been trying to answer through the whole conversation. The bright side was that, were it anyone else, Vega's career would be down the drain as well as her ability to do anything useful. And the opportunities were that, she could maybe leave things clear before letting Kaidan go with his new, moved on life. And maybe, just maybe, convince him to hack Alliance system's so that they don't find out she has made any communication. Of course, the latter was as likely as finding a way to make the sun green. But maybe she could, she just had to be honest.

"I am not wed, nor compromised. The holo-call doesn't need to be private and it is not authorized by the Alliance." She said, slowly, paused, clearly.

Kaidan took a moment to shove the unpleasant idea somewhere deep and unreachable, and again, took a moment to process the information given to him. He gave Shepard a blank look. She explained she needed to call a certain informed friend, to make sure something is done about the reapers. She proposed her plan to not be discovered, and how he fit in it. How he was welcome to listen in if he felt uncertain. He hesitated, but considered the alternatives. Going away, would not stop the call, and if she wanted to send delicate data, he would not be present to prevent it. And reporting her, would destroy the reputation and the admiration she had constructed for herself, and would make her unable her from much of her charming capacities.

His mind went back to the horrible, painful vision.

"Ok."


	4. Chapter 4

Well, if things hadn't been complicated, they certainly were now.

"Are you telling me nothing will convince the rest?" Shepard asked the messy, interference like hologram. The moment it had come up with a thick, deep, clear, and obviously artificial voice, Kaidan felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He half expected to find a virus downloading into the Alliance systems. He didn't know who was at the other end of the line, but he knew whomever it was, it wanted to keep its identity a secret, and provoke fear while doing so. That could mean it held a lot of power, especially if Shepard wanted to talk to it, and was probably not above operating over the law. Which made the incredibly familiar and warm way the voice greeted Shepard, and the likewise way she answered, bewildering, if not blood chilling. Talk about having friends in low places.

"Are you alone?" The voice had asked then, suddenly all business. It couldn't see anyone in the room but Shepard, since she was the one in the holo-displayed area. For Kaidan, the question alone spoke volumes.

"No." Shepard answered, to-the-point, but not curtly.

"Trustable?"

Kaidan did not miss the look Agatha quickly shot his way. "Not with you, but with the topic at hand, yeah." She said, before continuing. "How is it going? Is anyone yet convinced? What will they do?"

"I have contacted 134 people who are in a favorable position to invest in, and have the psychic persona necessary to care about, the search and promotion of ways to confront, and eventually destroy the reapers, but…" The voice uncharacteristically trailed off, but it was the deprive Kaidan needed to bask in the relieve this wasn't about Agatha finding a way to bust out, or reveal information. Shepard did not appreciat it as much.

"But?"

"Only 20 have agreed to cooperate."

And so, here he was, looking at exasperated Agatha as she spoke with palpable incredulity, hands on her hips. "Are you telling me nothing will convince the rest?"

"Shepard, they have no proof."

"How can they have no proof? You are the most likely to give them something heavy."

"Shepard, all we have is a transmission from Eden Prime, numbers and testimonials. But information can be made up, and they know it. They needed something physical, and all physical evidence was either destroyed with the Collectors, or is drifting through dark space. After Sovereign attacked the Citadel, all his remains were thrown out." Shepard made a face, the voice hastily explained. "The Council knew you would still talk, so they wanted all from the 'super advanced Geth ship' gone so that you wouldn't use it as evidence for something that could cause galaxy-wide terror." Agatha rubbed her face, and kept quiet for a long while, thinking, distressed. "I'm sorry Shepard." The voice said. Shepard shook her head.

"I'll talk to you later." She said, and with that, the communication was cut.

Kaidan stood there for a long second, not sure what to do. She, so far, acted, spoke and apparently, felt like his Agatha. And he knew, even if she wasn't her, the knowledge of the Reapers, and this news were hitting her as hard as they were hitting him, and Vega, if he recalled right, there in a corner. And he was having a battle of wills between going and comforting her as he used to, and staying because he had lost that right. Or because she may not be her, but that was _always_ a present alternative, now-a-days.

"This is loco!" exclaimed James, taking his out of his musing. The hulky guy had his eyes comically wide, and he was shaking his head, as if not quite believing it. When he turned back towards Shepard, she was looking at him, her eyes penetrating, cautious, and inquiring. He just didn't for what.

...-...-...

The moment Liara disconnected, Shepard knew she needed a moment of silence to calm down and sort through her options. Which as if of now, were very little. She either found a way to solve the problem by herself, which she couldn't do without a single clue of how or where the solution would appear, or found a way to convince this guys to do it, which involved going and getting that damnable prove. She had to escape, get Joker, the Normandy, and a crew. "This is Loco!" James said. That was a vacant off the list already. The Alliance will do just fine without her, they'll find a way. There was just one catch, and she dreaded it. She looked at Kaidan, and not for the first time mused about how his thoughts were so loud, she could perceive them. He seemed relaxed, she supposed, if you put Horizon as a standard. He was serious in the way that showed he had feelings to hide, and his body was not fidgety because it was tense, and his eyes betrayed uncertainty, indecisiveness. Ones he took a decision, she knew he'd stubbornly stick to it. And maybe he knew it too.

He met her gaze, and she watched how he reacted, tried to discern what changes he was passing through. The most reasonable thing to do would be to not risk it, to give him a nice one in the back of his head, knock him unconscious. But if there was any difference between them, is that she was used to going in unsafe, if there was a good prize in the other side. Which was probably exactly why she shouldn't even try, but...

She was sure, if she found a way to convince him to go with her, as much as a leap of faith it was from where he was standing, then… then at least, they'd clear the air. For once and for all.

But first she had to do a little ground test.


	5. Chapter 5

"James, I need to talk to Kaidan for a sec. Would you…?" Shepard asked, her eyes momentarily leaving the Mayor in favor of who she was addressing.

"Sure Lola." He answered, his attention flicking towards the person in question before leaving.

And, had anyone been looking at Kaidan when she asked the question, they would have noticed the surprise in his features. Though they were only the tiniest hint to the brain storm he was suddenly experimenting.

Shepard wanted to be with him, alone, in a darkened room, in the middle of the night. It would have been easy to drown into the beautiful, pleasurable, happy memories that immediately rushed him, had he not trained himself for the last two years into blocking them out. Thus, the angry, sad, bitter, dangerous and possible scenarios that came forward should have taken the lead, had he not been so concentrated this whole time in keeping them in line, into making sure things didn't crumbled any more than they already had before he even knew what he was destroying. The results were opposing feelings biting into the outskirts of his mind, with only pure logic advancing through the filters and filling his head.

Any professional in the art of seduction and manipulation would not be so painfully obvious, especially if the purpose was long term. His Agatha would never have been so bold as to do _that_ for _those_ reasons, much less with where they were standing. He wasn't sure _where_ exactly that was, but he at least assumed to have a general idea. So, goodbye tender kisses, loving looks, soft and warm- well, goodbye.

And she had no reason to kill him, or anything of the sort as a Cerberus Agent. He had done what she had asked, and she hadn't said anything compromising. If he hadn't alerted anyone before, he certainly wasn't going to now that he was an accomplice. And it would complicate things for her, if she came out with a body to come face to face with Vega, or left his body here to be found in the morning, to have the people on edge. Now, if she wanted information, it'd be pointless. The known association he had had with… her… in the RS1 was enough for High Command to keep him off the plate and under discreet watch, he only knew because he tended to be more observant than most. And, as much as he hated to admit it, Cerberus had more than enough power to be well aware of that. As Agatha, unless she planned to escape, there was next to no possibility of hostility. She would avoid the problem entirely and wait 'till tomorrow if he got in her way, though she _did lean_ towards impatient. But then… she would have hit him by now, knocked him unconscious.

All this time, probably only a couple minutes but it felt longer, she had been just looking at him, and vise-versa. The freckles on her nose and cheeks, he noticed, were arranged differently.

"Do you still think me a… whatever it is you think I am?" She asked, directly, expression not changing.

He saw no reason to not answer in kind. "You care about the Reapers. Anyone who knows the truth about them will try to do something about it." Or lay down and die, he thought, but that was hardly relevant.

She nodded, her eyes going to the floor and moving as though following a rat that went in circles. She did that when trying to figure something out. Though it hardly proved anything, it was pretty distinctive of her, back then. Finally, she looked up and said "What have you done about them?" He almost flinched at the question, had there been any accusatory air in her tone, he probably would have too. He had to admit, he could have done more, he just didn't know how. At first, once a little recovered from Alchera, he had tried to speak up, for her. He almost got reported as one of… those L2s, thanks to the Council itself. Anderson had his hands tied. And he couldn't find a single lead, a single proof, and it was not like he had his heart into it, or anything anymore. Those were rough times, and eventually he realized he would just have to act when the opportunity presented itself.

"I investigated, and when that didn't work, I waited." He answered, saving both of them the awkward explanation.

"…For them to come, or for a chance?"

"A chance."

She opened her mouth and closed it. If he didn't know better, he would have thought she looked scared. She took a hesitant step closer. His breath caught. She got a few inches from his face in a flash.

"So, you believe I want to stop them?" She whispered.

"Yes." He answered after a pause, in the same hushed tone.

"What would you do, Kaidan? To make sure they are gone?"

He did not like how this was going. "A lot." He took a breath, feeling a bit of anger seeping into him. She shouldn't be so close if she wasn't her. "You'll know how much if you are who you say to be."

Her eyes stayed on his, a long while. Finally, she blinked two times, with a specific pause. An "ok" they had agreed upon long ago… with Ash. And Ash was never a very discreet person. She continued, "I am going to get that evidence. I'm gonna get the Normandy, Joker, bring James along, and I'm gonna get out of here and prove to everyone the danger they are in. I will have a hard time getting out; the Alliance will get in trouble with the Batarians, and God knows what else, but I am going to do it. You can come along if you want." With that, she turned and left the room.

What the fuck?

She just told him, and went on her way.

She must not think he'll stop her, or hand her over to the Alliance.

Or maybe she took that risk. A Cerberus Agent wouldn't take that risk.

Or would they? Cerberus is capable of doing just right about everything. And they work on independent cells. Really, it's up to the cell leader's personality.

But even if she is, she truly is trying to find a way to stop the Reapers. Wasn't this the opportunity he was waiting for?

It could be a trap to haul him in. It would certainly give her more credibility.

But then again if she is her…

No, he has done a life for himself, advanced in rank, and met new people. He can't leave what he has constructed behind.

Though nothing of that will matter if the Reapers take over.

And really, how happy had this kind of life made him, since he met her?

Well, she was, is gone.

But it may be her…

But if she wasn't…

True, but if she isn't you can back up.

But the Alliance.

Say it was an infiltration job, and the window of opportunity was too short to call them.

Talking about that, I should be calling them.

If she is her, this may be the last time.

She'd understand then, right?

Would she?

What are you thinking, Alenko? Call security.

You need to leave a way in with this one.

Can I handle it if she isn't and I…

Can you handle it if she is and you didn't…

Damn, he was going after her.

Shit.

"Fuck."


	6. Chapter 6

Stupid.

Stupid.

Idiotic.

Impulsive.

That was the mantra that immediately overcame Agatha.

Ok, so once she had, long ago, which didn't seem to get into her head, known him better than she knew herself, she thought, but that didn't mean there was an ounce of that left. She had another image of Alenko, a softer, happier, and not stubbornly professional but idealistically so one. She really shouldn't have told him.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Idiotic.

Impulsive.

Waiting would probably the worst idea now, all Kaidan had to say was that he heard them planning around the corner. What she had to do, was damage control, and that meant proceeding with the plan as fast as possible. Or she could go right back in and put him no sleep... nah, he was alert now. He wouldn't be her kaidan if he let that happen. Once she was outside, she asked James if he would like to help her escape to do some good.

"Hell yeah!" He answered, just as she expected, though she had often pictured a dramatic punching-the-air gesture going along with it.

"Good, do they still hand out structure maps?"

"Sure thing. Why?" He asked, opening up the holographic in his omni-tool.

"Do you know where they have Joker and the Normandy?"

"Who's Joker? Are we chasing a clown now or-"

"The pilot, Vega, we don't have the time."

"What? But why-"

"Vega."

"Right. Here's the Normandy and here's Moreau." He said, pointing towards completely separated locations. Damn.

"Christ, we'll need a skeleton crew."

"I got it."

"How?"

"You'll be surprised how many people in this station are in fact not Cabrones, especially between the low and un-mighty. I'll drop your name and they'll be sold."

She raised an eyebrow, he nodded.

"That's dangerous."

"Trust me on this one, Lola."

"Ok, you go for them, I get Joker."

"Ok. Here, let me grant you access…" His hand flew over the controls for a second, before coming to a stop. "…You don't have an omni-tool, do you?"

"Just give me yours." So he did, and they went on their way.

Kaidan came out a second later, his head turning from an end of the corridor to the other.

Shepard went on her way with much more ease than she had anticipated. Sure, she was an infiltrator but that was because she was a sucker for the cloak, or at least she thought so. Guards? A nice one on their exposed pulse points will do it, take some of their concealing clothes while you are at it. Secure locked Doors? What are ventilation shafts for? Cameras? Hack them into submission. James' tool may not be top notch, but she was more used to those anyway. What was two years ago cutting edge was now Alliance standard, except for the Normandy, of course, and most guns, and amps, and- she'd classify later. She could only guess this station had not been upgraded a while ago, maybe her reputation, and collected goodwill had served for something after all. Or maybe, Anderson truly hadn't turned his back on her, the alternative was Hacket, but she doubted he was the one. He hadn't been her mentor, her second father.

What really surprised her though was that there were no alarms blaring, no shouts echoing, no soldiers mobilizing. She just didn't allow herself to hope for much.

Five unconscious stern lads who were too stupid to react when she walked directly towards them, ten pointless cameras, one close call with a group of drunken recruits, and a couple of respiration exercises to avoid claustrophobia later, she stood behind what looked like a depressed Joker in a wheel chair examining his hands. She couldn't help it. "…Ready to go back to your leather seats?"

He jumped, a "Commander!" and a "crack" just before an "…ow…" followed.

Her widening eyes, her protective hands landing on his shoulders and her worried tone when asking "whoa, Joker, are you alright?!" would have seemed considerate to anyone else, and it is not that he didn't realize, but he, he was Joker.

"I am fine! It was only a finger, Jesus, what? …Grandmotherly much?"

"Grand-!"

"Did you just mention my baby? Finally! Took you a while, you know? I was just wondering if they'd given you a presidential room, all with the cakes and milkshakes." And just like that, he was smiling back at her, making sarcastic jokes, and avoiding.

She'd forgive him the avoiding part for the rest. "I need the best freaking pilot in the galaxy to get away with those cakes."

And just like that, they were on their way. Well, just like that after a little discussion in which it was made clear that, yes, wheelchair, sit, no, this is not up for discussion. And apparently, she seriously was picking up a strict grandma attitude, did she know that?

Pushing him from hallway to hallway, trying and failing to not roll her eyes at how he found joy at mocking her handiwork, or well, those who fell to her handiwork.

As she continued, she tried to find a way to the inevitable problem that closed doors presented. She couldn't push him through the vent, he'd come out at the other side in bits. She turned the corner, cursed herself for telling Kaidan and then immediately assuming the worst of him, for not actually thinking this through. She reluctantly raised her eyes towards her latest problem, and she stopped dead in her tracks. It was gone, solve. The door was wide open.

Joker turned his head towards her, eyebrows raised. "Didn't you restrict me to this thing…" he gestured towards his wheelchair "…because we didn't have all night."

She supposed there was really no reason to stop now, so she nodded, "Right." She kept pushing. Now, she was completely lost. Doors took time, and with this ones, specialization. Maybe they'd tended her a trap, but then, that wouldn't make sense. Not only that wasn't the Alliance's style, but for all intents and purposes, to simply fall on her now with a platoon would be perfect, now that she had no guns and walked a straight corridor with no way out or to explain. It just didn't seem to make sense, and as she advanced, she saw that more of the doors blocking her way before were just ajar. Someone had to hack them one by one, and it sure as hell wasn't James, or any of his friends. Skeleton crew could be very basic, and the truly competent engineers always had their hands full. Not that you would need full-fledged engineers to open this doors but…

Anyway, she was close to the Normandy and… she stopped yet again, giving Joker a soft pat of the shoulders and signaling him to just keep quiet. The Docking Bay was lit up, and various voices could be heard, none of which she recognized. This wouldn't alert her as much as the sound of equipment being moved around. That was going to be a whole different problem, in her head, maybe they'd have to go Omega and buy some. The fact was, they were short on everything needed for guns and armor. They didn't have the authorization, the location, the-

She peeked around the corner, and saw him.

Making silent signals, indications, to go there to make sure there wasn't another guard on shift, and you guys make sure those, there was a pair of sleeping officers in a corner, stay where they are. And hey, you, yes you, I need you to help your friend here with the ammunitions. He looked like a freaking natural.

And not only had he not handed her over, he was helping her.

He still sort of trusted her.

And he turned towards her, and walked over. His expression seemed neutral, though there was a small glint in his eyes she hadn't seen for a while, one of mirth, amusement. She'd missed it.

"Why are you so surprised?" He asked, and up close, she could also distinguish undeniable cautiousness. It was better than fear, though, and she'd take it.

"I didn't… expect you to take me up on my offer." He nodded his accent, as if to say "me neither". She gestured towards… everything. "How did you get all this?"

"I'm Mayor now, remember?"

She didn't, she must not have been paying attention. She kept that to herself. "Not anymore, I think."

He opened his mouth a bit, only to snap it closed. His eyes seemed to bore into hers for a few seconds. "Well, if I didn't think you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here."

'Don't go there, Kaidan', she wanted to say. It was all she could do not to be transported back in time. She nodded, pushed past him and got into the Normandy, nodding towards some crew members. Joker could get into the ship himself, and he probably would hate her for pushing him around in front of the crew. As for right now, she was sure her heart was dancing in her chest.

Maybe her optimism isn't so unjustified after all.

 **Author's note: Hey guys! Sorry if I have taken a bit longer than normal, you know how inspiration is, volatile. Now, you may be thinking, oh my! They got to the Normandy! Will she end the story here? The answer is no, don't you dare think that.**

 **As always, thank you. I am always thanking you guys, even if I don't actually put it here.**

 **And again, please help me with revising, remember how bad I am for that? If you see a part that doesn't make much sense, a word that shouldn't be there, please PM me.**


	7. Section 2, Part 1: First day on

**Author's note: Sorry guys I've taken a week, but to be fair it is not so long… and life and… movies happen… BTW, have you seen Love Story? Or even better, read the book? Man, it's short, but draining on the feels. At least for a romantic such as myself.**

 **Also, I had my brother read this fic (hurray for brothers!), and he found an infinity of mistakes, so much I am lazy to address them. I will though, eventually, I'll tell you when it's done if you want to re-read or something. But the point is, really, don't fear telling me. Now, I will try to be more careful when writing.**

 **He also told me that he loves something about my writing. Now, I am not admiring myself here, just hear me out. Apparently I am extremely unforgiving and leave a lot to be filled out with the head, apparently this is no light reading and you need to be attentive to understand the full meaning of what I say and blah blah blah. The thing is, when doing this, I apparently left too much to be filled. How do I say this? Apparently I need to give you a bit more background on what I am basing myself on, or something like that. I'll try to do it here, you tell me if you detest it or prefer it.**

It had taken quite a while for everything to hit him, not when she didn't answer his Ilos reference, not when he hacked the Alliance's systems yet _again_ to make sure they _stole_ the Normandy (again) successfully, not when Vega said something about finally leaving those cabrones (to which Agatha asked if he could get creative and stop calling them 'cabrones', with a teasing smile and shining eyes), not when Joker evaded some leftover automatic defenses, not when she gave him a hesitant, sheepish, and dare he say, somewhat hopeful look before retiring for the night, reassuring the crew they'd start planning first thing in the morning, not when he walked through the corridors of the modern ghost ship he was standing on, and much less when exhaustion caught up with him.

No, everything hit him when he woke up to a once familiar hum, in the observation lounge, with millionth stars staring down at him, the dizzy sensation of thinking you were still deep within a nice dream, and a beep from his omni-tool showing ten messages from superior officers, and one from his mom.

He had changed the course of his life within a night's time.

The repercussions of his actions stared up at him, demanding his attention. Which they got, he answered his mother with a brief message.

 **Mother,**

 **I love you, and I need you to know you are going to hear some things. Some things… came up, and I needed to look into them. Trust me; I know what I am doing. I won't be able to talk to you for a while, and it would be for the best if you erased this.**

 **Your Son,**

 **Kaidan.**

And then eliminated them all e-mails, and checked. He was relieved to find out in his- drowsy? Confused? Agitated? Impulsive?- state he had taken the care to make himself untraceable via the tool. He was going to do things rationally. Now that he was well rested, a lot of the reasons he had taken up to justify himself now sounded a lot like excuses, if he picked them one by one. They seemed to try to fit a puzzle and complement each other, but whenever he tried to process them all as a whole they muddled up. After several failed attempts he felt a migraine coming up.

Oh, he was _not_ taking meds from this ship, not yet at least. He had to wait through this one.

He decided two things. That would be his attitude with everything now on, cautious but not dismissive, and he was not going to complicate with what was done, for it was done. He actually should have from the start, that had been his routine for a while now and he was not leaving it. Not even because this was Agatha, or perhaps especially because it was Shepard. He had based the idea on her after all…

 _"…you agonize over doing the right thing…" She was saying, her eyes inquisitive, calculating in the most considerate of ways, like trying to understand a puzzle in order to help the mice get the cheese even though it hadn't asked her to. Intelligence and gentleness that radiated with something else he desperately wanted to believe was there, though he told himself otherwise. He often fought not to be enraptured by it, though as of now, the topic of conversation helped. "…because Rhana spurned you after Virnus…"_

Kaidan shook away the memory, and stood up to affront what came outside the room. He didn't know what to expect, maybe there'd be Cerberus agents ready to… to deal with him if he didn't cooperate, then again he may encounter what he was supposed to encounter, a bunch of disorganized rogue Shepard-followers he was now forming part of trying to piece together a plan to prevent being caught unprepared by the Reapers. Both were as unlikely as the other.

He took his pistol, somewhat grateful to have kept close to it, even though he didn't really care for it at the moment, secured it in his back but kept his right hand close and headed towards the door.

At that exact moment, it opened to reveal Agatha; almost making them bump into each other. His right hand immediately came up to steady her if needed. To his utter disappointment and weary relieve, it wasn't.

"Shepard! …What are you doing here?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I came here to wake you up. We're gonna prepare everything now, and I thought you would want- you'd have a good perspective."

"Perspective?"

"Perspective."

"…Ok, I ah, I have it." They stood there awkwardly for a few seconds. Just looking at each other.

She broke the silence. "In the loft."

"Ok." He waited for her to get moving, to follow her. She didn't. "…after you?"

"I need to get something."

He nodded. He didn't like this, not at all. Having his back to her was not a comforting thought these days. It looked suspiciously like she wanted to look over the place he slept in. But if she was not herself, the last thing he'd want is for her to realize just how much or how little he suspects, and if she is herself, she would know he wouldn't question her answer back then, before… before. And, if the division between them grew more, he… Let's just say, it was on his best interest to just go where she told him to. So he did.

He went down the hall, to the right, the left, and into the elevator. He forced himself not to look back at her, and did not risk mingling around to eavesdrop on her. She was the infiltrator, and he didn't know where the cameras in the ship were located. He looked at level one if the elevator screen, and felt himself get paralyzed when he saw what the loft was. "Captain quarters" taunted the glow-y letters. "Here goes nothing." He muttered, and pressed the button. His annoying inner voice answered. "Here goes everything."

When Kaidan hesitated before going, Shepard for the first time in a long, long while felt like she could read him again, which did not bring her as much satisfaction as knowing she may just understand him better now, she may just be getting to know the new rugged, brooding version of Kaidan. Still, when he turned the corner she couldn't help slumping against a wall and letting out a huge sigh. Draining it was, talking to him. The only and true reason she even wanted him into the meeting where he could distract her with her very presence, was that he did not want to give him reason to be suspicious. And now, she had to address something.

"EDI?"

"Yes Shepard?"

"The guy I was talking to? I need-"

"The Mayor."

Well, wasn't she updated? "Yes, EDI, I need you to act as a VI around him for a bit. When you want to say something of your own on the meeting, appear like a message from someone or something. And be careful with it, tech is his expertise."

"Because he distrust AI?"

"Yup."

"Done Shepard. I am Eliza Montiliet, then, an ex-embassador."

"Monti-what?"

"… I have taken an appreciation for the story line of some twenty-first century games."

"…ok? We will need another name."

"Rutherford."

"That'll work." Agatha concluded, pushing off the wall. She had taken only a few steps before remembering something else.

"EDI?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you not tell me Mayor Alenko was going out when I was coming in?"

"Since you two entered the ship, I have seen interesting patterns in your heart ratings, hormone levels, and respiration rhythm when you are in the presence of each other. It is… fascinating, and gives me great insight to understand human nature."

"So, you wanted to see what happened if you added surprise into the mix."

"Actually-"

"No, it's ok, EDI. Just don't do it again, please?"

"Yes Shepard. Can I ask why?"

"I'll tell you, someday. But right now, I need you to promise me you will tell nobody else about the data you have collected so far on the topic."

"I promise."

"Thanks EDI. Also, what were the Mayor's readings before I came in?"

 **Author's note: To what did I make reference to? You think...?**


	8. Section 2, Part 2: What goes on Liara?

Liara was terrified and working endlessly. …Not that she hadn't been busy to begin with, but now, it was personal. Shepard had escaped and there was little to no doubt in her mind as to why. Shepard had always been honest and to the point, stubbornly so. In the first Normandy, and when with Cerberus, it was apparent she had a purpose. If she encountered a hitch, she'd walk around it whichever way she could and she always found a way that accommodated to her moral compass. Jumping from point to point, finding a lead for the next point, surviving each point, never backing down from them, and keeping focused. A lot of people would laugh at her if she told them that was the whole formula for being The Savior of the Citadel and The Destroyer of the Collectors.

Ones she had loved her. Not that it was reciprocated. The great factors that made Shepard so capable made Liara worship her, with all her soul. Once she had seen the surface of the matter and been entranced. Then, she became an Information Broker, and a lot of things lessened their appeal. It was when Liara began to know and understand things, that she appreciated for the first time the value of ignorance. It was in part why her curiosity of the Proteans dissipated and disappeared so completely. They had been for most of her life this mysterious people, these dark figures; they were some of the few things left that she could dimension however she wanted. And she didn't want it gone. Shepard had asked her about her lack of interest, she gave a half-hearted obvious excuse and wasn't pressured further. She knew she would be, in time, but Shepard was smarted than that. Still, Shepard was kept in a sacred place in her heart, not as before, but sacred nonetheless.

The thing is, she knew Shepard now. She knew what it was that she had. Shepard needed her people's skills, which she seemed to lack when she didn't have an ultimate motive, her battle efficiency, her leadership, and her determination. The problem was the determination needed to accomplish those feats was downright obstinate. She wouldn't stop at nothing.

She would get proof, and she sure as hell wouldn't go looking for it in Dark Space. She would try to go back through the Omega 4 Relay.

She wouldn't care for the risks. She wouldn't care that they didn't know if the IF would work again. She wouldn't care for the danger of Indoctrination. She wouldn't care about the presence of Cerberus around there when Liara warned her. She would find a solution, and if that didn't happen, she would try her luck and improvise.

Though, that was still extremely hot in Liara's eyes, by the Goddess.

Back to the point, she probably shouldn't have told her about the lack of evidence being a problem until after it was solved, if it was necessary at all. But then again, she didn't know when she would be able to contact her again. Overusing her own agents was dangerous, and any contact from unknown sources would have put Shepard in an uncomfortable position.

After hours of looking for another lead, another remnant left from the Reapers apart from Protean ruins, anything that may actually help Shepard, Liara slumped against her seat. Glyph asked her something she barely registered answering.

Liara wondered if what she was doing was actually for the Galaxy, for Shepard, or to unburden her guilt. One of the things she remembers clearly when she first saw Shepard again, alive, was that she wasn't lively anymore, as ironic as that may be. Shepard was never one to be over energetic, it was not that she went around jumping and laughing, but anytime, anywhere she went, as long as she wasn't faced with a serious problem, or concentrated in something important, she was wearing a soft smile, and her eyes shone. She did radiate energy, optimism. How could someone be like that after losing so much? Liara never understood. She would look up and see the good side of things, if there was only a bad side apparent, she'd make some joke that even Liara had to admit, was bad. But it'd lighten everyone's spirits. And it was too among the things she most loved about her. But when she walked in on her intimidating some idiot with an Asari Commando Unit, of all things, she was wearing a smirk. A teasing smirk before commenting on her new ability to be ominous, a smirk that immediately fell off when she actually asked how things had treated her. And after that, there was no permanent mini smile anymore. She joked, laughed at some things, still kept making the decisions she would have done before, still preferred charming over threatening, but she wasn't smiling. And not in the neutral way, she actually had a bit of an aura of being held down by everything. Someone who hadn't known her before wouldn't have noticed, but she did. As it was, it wasn't like she walked around with a scowl and glared, or looked down at the floor with her lips turned down. She did not seem relaxed because she felt things would eventually turn up for the better, because right then, things were good, because she knew what to do and was confident and ready to do it. Right then she seemed relaxed, but because she was resigned and knew getting angry would not change reality. Liara couldn't help but feel like she wasn't happy, like maybe it would have been better for her to keep on being dead, and never having to experience what she was going through. And truly, how had she expected her to be happy, considering? Shepard never blamed her for any of it, but…

But she, Liara T'Soni, was responsible for it.

Not only had she brought her back into this cruel universe, but she had neglected to contact the only person that may have given her the much needed comfort, that person who made her happy, that person who had been better than her.

Kaidan Alenko.

She supposed he was better, he was from her species. And did not look like the gender she didn't prefer. And he was not as stupid as she was when thinking that Shepard meant something more than friendship as she admitted to care for her. She shouldn't have been so shy as to not simply say the _word_ to make sure they were on the same page. She can still remember how embarrassing that was…

 _"This is a rather awkward situation." She'd said._

 _Kaidan had rapidly replied. "I am not trying to make anyone uncomfortable. I'm just trying to figure out where I stand."_

 _Shepard just stood in place, looking at each of them, before "Ok, let's talk."_

 _"I may not know much about human relationships, but I understand the concept of jealousy."_

 _"I'm not jealous, I'm confused." Kaidan turned to Shepard. "I thought we had something ma'am. I- I didn't realize you were- Well, that you preferred other women."_

 _"I am not exactly a woman, lieutenant. My species only has one-"_

 _"Grrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaa, Christ, no!" Shepard… grumbled, face in her hands, turned up. Both Kaidan and I shared a glance. She took a big breath before looking at us again, or at the farthest wall behind us. "Look, uh, I thought had left things clear… and this is going to stink to one of you." She looked down at the floor, for the only time I have ever seen. "When I said I cared about you, back then when you asked, I meant it as a friend or a sister."_

 _That was me. "I- oh Goddess-"_

 _"Liara, I-"_

 _"No, I'm sorry for putting you into this uncomfortable situation." I turned and practically ran out the room. I couldn't look at them. I couldn't let her see me like that._

 _"No, Liara, I should have made myself clear and…" The closing door prevented me from hearing what she said next._

And maybe… who knew? Maybe she hadn't contacted him for fear of him not believing her, or being angry and trying to stop it, for fear of breaking his heart in case it didn't work, but for the opportunity it presented. Maybe with him out the way, she'd thought…

But she didn't want to believe she was such a bad person. She wasn't a bad person.

Besides, she had long since moved on before it happened.

She really had.

Truly.

She sighed; she needed to get that damn proof before Shepard…

"Agatha Shepard has contacted you, Shadow Broker." Glyph appeared over her shoulder.

…too late.

Shepard told her the plan; she'd get some of her old crew back, with the locations Liara gave her. Then, they'd go and infiltrate Cerberus, get something, isolate it in a special energy neutralizing box they'd have to steal- Kaidan, who was standing at the other side of the table, if the holograms were precise, did not seem pleased at that one- from a Salarian High-Security Laboratory, for which Kasumi was needed, and please, if you could contact her into meeting us. If they had the opportunity, they would de-stabilize whatever operation TIM had put up. Kaidan looked skeptical.

When the transition ended, Liara did as requested and also collected information of Cerberus' plans (which was always a challenge, even for her) in the area.

She tried not to think about how things may have turned out for the better for those two if she had done something about it.

 **Author's Note: That happened to me, you know? I told Liara I cared for her in ME1, but I also told her Kaidan was special to me. I never, ever said I was interested in her in a romantic way. I just assumed she was the unassuming kind, and if I didn't actually utter the word relationship, then she would get the hint.**

 **She didn't.**

 **The confrontation happened.**

 **Poor me, I was so frustrated there wasn't an option to say "I didn't mean it like that." There should have been. But then again, maybe it was a glitch. Did it happen to you?**

 **Also, I made the editions. It should be a bit changed. I do not promise to have gotten all errors, but most, I hope.**


	9. Section2 Part3:Over The Conference Table

**Author's note: So, I wrote this from paper to computer, and the possibility of disaster in these cases is high. Tell me what you think, if you understand, if you liked, and blah, blah, blah. You can read now!**

When she first saw Kaidan Alenko, as she walked her way to the docking bay to the first Normandy, he was just ahead of her, already in uniform. That showed some, if not too much, professionalism, she thought. It was, after all, a day before they were scheduled to arrive, but she liked to get a feel of the ship, and apparently he did too. She also remembers thinking that he looked like a fine specimen. And she remembers it so clearly because the thought shocked her.

The next thought about him that got imprinted into her brain, was where she thinks, she may have gone wrong.

You see, early in her career she discovered the formula for respect and loyalty was a very intricate mix of love and fear. If people feared you too much, they began hating you. And if they hated you, at the first opportunity, they would sweep the floor from under your feet. If they loved you, but didn't fear you, they would take some untoward liberties, in many ways more than one. She shouldn't have needed this knowledge, but life had its ways. And God knew it helped her at the Skyllian Blitz.

So, one day, after having talked to him for more time than either had realized, early in the relationship, without there being a relation yet, she had a thought that developed over time and events more than she could ever have predicted.

'He is loyal by nature.'

'All I need is his respect.'

'I only need him to love me, then.'

The 'I want him to love me, because I love him' part had crept up on her much later, but well, she was getting off topic.

Some people asked why they had reunited first in the loft, she answered it was because she felt like having the conference there. The truth was she didn't want them to think she was keeping anything from them. No one could accuse her of hiding how comfortable her room could be, and really, she didn't like it. After having decided things, they went to the Communications Room to contact Liara. Kaidan had seemed tense the whole time, so she just gave him space. They talked with the Shadow Broker, she told them about TIM's movements. Plan ready, they only needed to get into action. She dismissed everyone from the room and was about to go on her way, when Kaidan stood in the middle of it.

And now, he was walking along the side of the table, talking about what an extremely convenient coincidence it was that the place they had to go to just happened to be infested with Cerberus, she made a comment about how that didn't seem convenient at all, but he mustn't, or pretended not to, have heard her. Then he moved on to 'the stealing! That is just…!', and it was then when she realized she should have fomented some fear in him. He was way too comfortable around her.

That never had been a problem before. She had loved it. Now it was.

But she didn't want to fix it.

Not yet. Not ever.

"Kaidan, we stole the Normandy. Twice. We are fugitives right now. The Salarians won't, at least not the law abiding scientists, agree with us in any-"

"And that justifies it?!"

"It's not like we will be taking their money or their food-"

"You may as well be!"

"You _know_ why we-!"

"You haven't even addressed Cerberus' involvement!"

"Oh! I'm sorry, was I meant to know where, and when, and how-?!"

"Don't get cute, Shepard! You are avoiding."

"If I was-!"

"You were!"

She was getting exasperated now. "Kaidan…"

"Don't 'Kaidan' me!"

Ok, that did it. " **Enough!** " She yelled, her hand coming down hard on the table.

That did it for him too. His eyes did not waver from her face, but he kept quiet.

"I have done nothing," She said, lowly but strongly, almost menacingly " _nothing,_ but been an open book with you. _You_ are the one who _told me_ you wouldn't be here if you didn't think we were doing _the right thing_. _You_ are the one who _decided_ to come along." She stood straight. "And in this ship, you _respect_ me. If you don't like it, you can get the _fuck_ off."

She had never used this tone with him.

The one reserved for idiots or enemies.

She should have.

At Horizon.

She knew that now.

He looked at her a while longer, and then he leaned forward. His voice was low too, but soft, too soft, way too soft, nostalgically soft, inappropriately soft, uncomfortably soft. "Can you truly blame me for-?"

The door opened, and James walked in, completely oblivious to the tension filling the room. "Hey Lola! EDI said you needed my help with some information?"

James couldn't have caught her at a worse time. "Why the _heck_ would I ask for your help with _info_?"

He looked like a deer in the headlights. "Uh, um, she asked how many outside communications you've had in HQ, and I said none, which was true, until yesterday. And she told me to come and tell you, and I was confused, because of course you would know how many-"

" _Thanks_ , James. And yeah…" She shot a brief glare at Kaidan. "…that was unfortunately needed." She took a discreet breath. "Sorry if I'm moody."

"No problem, Lola." His eyes fleeted from the door back to her. "Was there something else you-?"

"No, I'm fine."

James immediately left them alone again.

There was a pause.

"Aga- Shepard, look I…"

He couldn't say her name, now, could he? "No, Kaidan, its ok, you don't have to-"

"But I-"

"No, seriously, let's just… just leave it there."

An awkward silence fell over the room, with him looking at the table, her looking at the wall.

"Who's Edi?" He asked. She cursed Kaidan's attentive nature.

"Oh, she? She's…"

"…someone who can listen in on our conversations without being present?"

"Well…"

"Someone who isn't between those who boarded back on-"

"She's the ship's AI."

"… _What?!"_

"…You heard me."

"Shepard, an AI?!"

"An _unshackled_ AI." For once, she enjoyed it.

"Have you gone completely-!"

EDI's orb rose from the table. "My apologies if my presence disturbs you, Mayor Alenko. But you can be at ease. I can assure you my main focus is in protecting the members of the Normandy crew while helping them achieve their purposes, especially Commander Shepard's. She is my family."

Kaidan stared wide-eyed.

Shepard just left the room, and went to bother Joker a while, and make sure things were ok.

She didn't want to analyse why, but she had been keenly aware he had a gun on him.

She needed a stress reliever.

Though she was sure things could have gone worse.

Somehow.

 **Author's note: Thoughts? I have a feeling this doesn't come off as intense as it should in the... fight. What do ya' think?**


	10. Sec 2 Part4:Honesty, Pistols and Kasumi

Turns out, Joker was not really someone you could always count on as a stress reliever. She had just gotten to the cockpit when…

"You know he is an idiot, right?"

"Joker."

"Because he is."

"Joker."

"And you don't deserve his bullshit."

"Thanks. Don't eavesdrop again."

"…I'm just calling it what it is."

"Just go easy on him, ok? He's gone through a lot."

He grumbled noncommittally.

EDI's orb appeared besides them. "Shepard, I am sorry."

Confused, Agatha asked "What are you sorry about EDI?"

"My actions took to my discovery. Now the Mayor knows I'm an AI and he has been distressed since."

"No, EDI, you don't have to worry about it. He was going to find out sooner rather than later." Honestly, hoping otherwise was part of her stupid overboard optimism. Nothing bad ever came from hoping, though.

The time it took to get to get to Therum could have been a living hell.

The moments she came face to face with him seemed short and awkward, but not in the good adorable way it was in the SR1. She decided it was best not to compare, it was hard and often times inevitable, but it was for the best. It just seemed, when he wanted to talk, she wasn't really on the mood. And when she wanted to, he wasn't in the mood. At least, to put it mildly, that's what she perceived. It seemed the opportunity to leave the record straight might take longer than she thought in appearing.

And the gun, he kept it with him at all times and thought it a secret. EDI had agreed not to tell anybody unless he showed the intention of using it, which so far, he hadn't. The whole ordeal had Agatha between weary, angry, hurt, mournful, disappointed, and a bit proud. Yes, proud. He had taken all bugs and cameras EDI used from his assigned room, finding them in the first place being a big feat, and had been nothing but observant and cautious. Even though all that distrust was aimed at her, it showed how much he had grown into himself, just like she knew he would. She only wished she had been there to see it, and that the process had been healthy. She just knew it hadn't been.

She tried to give him an opportunity to reconsider, to open up, and to be truthful but not guilty.

She took some of the free personnel, and made a bit of a check out in the hangar. She had taken one pistol from the inventory and hid it beforehand. It caused enough novelty for him to be attracted.

And he arrived in the best moment possible.

"Shepard, what's going on?" His tone was more curious than accusatory too. Things were looking up.

She was handed just the data-pad she needed at that exact moment. She looked at him with innocent eyes, but not too innocent. "Huh? What did you say, Kaidan?"

"What's going on?"

"Just checking on inventory, figuring out what we got."

His eyes narrowed a bit. "But… I told you we have standard armory." He had, in fact.

"Correct, but everyone was in a hurry. _I'd much rather be sure and busy, than lazy and vulnerable_." She lied easily, the old saying of hers fitting the situation perfectly. She didn't make a big deal of it, though, not like a clone or whatever it was that he thought she was would. No, she let it out offhandedly and made a show of checking the information in the pad. She was not going to look up for his reaction.

"…Yeah, well, that's something very much like you."

No, it wasn't. And he knew it, as much as she knew the he knew. She could be sure she had enough weapons. She only needed enough for the ground squad. A rifle less or a rifle more did not really concern her. He was testing the waters, watching her closely; she didn't need to look up to visualize it. And since, she wasn't sure how she would react if this whole deal was sincere, and a clone's reaction could also be tricky to predict, she didn't react at all. No, she was very, very concentrated in that pad, and he was going to think so. Finally, she continued with the plan, perking up. She showed him the pad. "See, 39 hand guns. There should be 40."

"Not truly a problem." He answered. Damn, he was not going to let that hole in character go.

"We are fugitives, Kaidan." She answered. "We need to have our situation mapped out down to how many hairs we have on our heads." It was reasonable enough logic, and in a situation he had never seen her in. "So, what do you think we should do?"

"Don't you always have a plan?"

No, not really, and he knew that too. So, she gave him a bewildered look, as if she was actually confused. As if she didn't know what he was doing. "No, no I don't. You know that."

He kept silent for a while, looking, much shorter than most pauses tended to be now-a-says, but a pause nonetheless. He was about to answer, his mouth didn't move but she recognized the signs, when she spoke again. Best moment was when his mind was down another line.

"We could add up your gun with the rest." Again, nonchalantly.

"My- gun?"

"Yeah, I mean, you must have had a gun when we escaped, right?"

"Ah, no. I didn't think to take a gun with me when I left the dorm; HQ was the last place I'd expect trouble on. And considering we were short on time, going back to take mine seemed like a stupid idea, it was more probable I'd be caught for the unnecessary trip." Every word, a lie. He was more cautious than that, that's all he'd proven in his time aboard.

"Oh, of course." She accepted the excuse swiftly.

The plan hadn't worked.

It was the perfect opportunity to hand over that pistol without seeming like a jerk, and he just turned it down.

She had real trouble acting like nothing had changed the next time she saw him.

But alas, she survived.

James was reliable to let off steam. As he was always up for a match, and didn't hold back. She didn't either, and that had left him bruising more than once, but he didn't complain. …And his flirting, well, his flirting. Before she met him, she had never taken the topic of 'romance' and 'attraction' in such a lighthearted, friendly, and impurely pure way in her life. It was fun, and she knew he was not taking it as anything else more than a game, and that it would never get farther than words. Who knows, had James not been James, she would maybe actually had considered him simply for that easy attitude. The thing was, James was James, had always been and would always be James. And for that, she knew she had an unmovable friend in him, kinda like Garrus. She adored that turian.

Getting to know the new crew was always a plus. She had never been one to restraint her talks to the ground team. She was forever grateful with the people around her, who had left their careers, their lives, to join her. How much was hero worship, parallel ideals, or a fight for their own lives, she didn't know, it varied from person to person, but still, she wanted to make sure they knew she appreciated them. Sometimes, after talking to one or the other, she would turn around to find Kaidan looking at her from a corner, and when he realized her noticing, he'd stand up and leave.

She was also exited to go see Kasumi again, the mysterious girl had always had playfulness in her that reminded her of herself when she was much younger, or simply when she could actually lay back and relax, which had been a while. Had she had a sister, she thinks she may have been like the happy thief, the stealing part notwithstanding.

Wand when she heard Kasumi was on Therum, Shepard couldn't help but be baffled. That volcanic planet, what could it hold that would interest the girl? Turns out, some millionaire wanted to hold the honor of living in the exotic planet while maintaining a fresh home, and he wasted 950000000 credits in doing so, before hopping off it to go conquer another exotic planet. The idiot had left a lot of invaluable things behind, too.

When they actually got there, she discovered that none of them was interesting enough for Kasumi's tastes, though, so she sold them all in the extranet for a credit each with the rich guy's account. She also destroyed the environment regulator and left a little self-destructing camera. There would be a party within a month in which he would show off the house, and Kasumi wanted his and the attendant's faces on video and in her omni-tool when they realized it was freaking hot in there. Shepard simply shook her head. The lengths that girl would go for mischief.

So, she hugged her fondly. She accepted to help.

"Anything for you, Shep. You know that."

The girl for the next days teased her about handsome Enko, as she had nicknamed Kaidan.

She also spent a long while just making fun of him. Calling him from behind to disappear the moment he turned around, taking him out of his comfort zone. Agatha couldn't help but feel it'd make him a bit more approachable.

She also knew Kasumi would implant some of her own bugs as well. Kaidan would have to take them out every five minutes, or get used to being watched.

Agatha loved that thief very much.


	11. Section2 part5: Kaidan is just thinking

**Author's note: You guys remember that scene in which Kaidan says "I was just here thinking" and Shepard answers "Uh Oh, ok, hit me with it."? Well, the truth is, Kaidan's head can put him through very complicated scenarios and such. Here, almost this whole thing is written explaining Kaidan's thoughts one day, or afternoon, or evening- well, it's Kaidan's head, and so far, the longest chapter. So, you have been warned. Read at your own risk.**

Kaidan was just thinking.

There were some horrible experiences that were a given once someone decided to join the military, and a lot of basic training, the screaming and the insults launched at them as they worked themselves to exhaustion, was nothing more than a preparation for that. You got the worst dress-down you've had so far, they killed civilians, they killed a fellow crew member, they killed your best friend, it may have been your fault, you may or you may not tell, you have been shot, you almost died, you got your first command and everything went to hell, you've had someone in your crew betray you, you sent someone to their death, whether they knew it or not, whether you meant it or not, whether it was for a greater good or whether it was for something stupid and useless, those are only expected, understandable, practically granted they shouldn't be, but they were. Only the most skilled _and_ lucky were able to evade some of these scenarios, one of them Agatha, other Anderson, himself even, and the list went on. He had seen more than one veteran scare a recruit into giving up the military with their story, with the look in their eyes, with the way they walked as if there was nothing more worth it anymore, and some, who seemed composed and intact, with their blatant disregard of life. Two years prior, he may or may not have done so too, intentionally and unintentionally with those that were just too soft for the life they signed up for. The thing was, there were some experiences that just crossed the line, were marked as too much, too extreme, no human being could possibly be unaffected by them, and with those, the need for psychological help downright undeniable. Between those experiences were the destruction of a ship you were stationed on, family's members' death, etc, including some isolated cases, Akuze, Torfan, for his age at the time, Vyrnnus… and well, from her… Mindior and Elysium.

After Alchaera they sat him down, with a psychologist, a rather good one, actually, knew his profession. Kaidan had seated there before, he knew what kind of questions to anticipate, and knew better than to deflect them. And if he was anything, something she had always teased him about, was a person in control. He knew just how to move, how to look, and he was perfectly able to bring theory to practice. Kaidan was able to fool him within an hour, and never again was he called to that table.

It had surprised him mildly, at the time nothing seemed to rouse much from him, but that somewhat had. He was not a master in deceit, never practiced it, never condemned it, and was never in his nature. He was an open book to most people, as much as he tried to prevent it, and to Agatha, a movie she had seen a millionth times that revealed how and what each character thought. Maybe he just was inspired, but he was more inclined to believe he did it so well because… nothing seemed to matter anymore.

Agatha, she had told him, one night out of many in which she leaned against his chest and his hand caressed her sweaty hair, that she had talked at that table, both times. The first one, after Mindior, she actually let her thoughts and feeling flood out like an open gate, knowing it would never get back at her, that it was probably the only time she would be able to, and it actually helped her. Just saying it. It left a thought out there, into the air, and so, it was easier to catalog it, to file it away, to analyze. It hurt like hell, but damn her if she hadn't done it. The guy had talked, and talked, told her nothing was her fault, and more bullshit, but she actually took comfort in the fact that the guy had not really understood her, that everything she had said; it was still hers and hers only. The second time, after Elysium, she was more weary, like the guys that had interviewed him, the woman that awaited her at the other side of the table was not there only for her wellbeing, but for that of the Alliance. That woman was there to evaluate her. But Shepard, she knew down right everything there was to know about how she was going to be tested with each question, because she was like that, she was a curious person, (that same night, she told him all she knew) and knew there would be no hiding, whatever problem she had, whatever issue, it would float into the surface and be obvious. So she did what she always did. She took care of it herself. She recorded herself pouring her heart out, and she saw and listened to that video again and again. Added new ideas, new feelings. By the end of the week, she had it pieced together, so she eliminated them. "It was so easy for me then, because I had already dealt with it."

He hadn't believed her.

There was some truth in her words, he knew, but some things just didn't add up. Agatha herself ones told him she didn't trust in most academic knowledge, not because it was wrong, but because it tended to be memorized and not understood. She also told him ones that no person would be able to look into anyone's mind if they were not voluntarily let in. She also refused to tell him about those traumatic experiences she was supposedly over. And over time, he had more reasons to not believe her. He had been able to fool an obviously capable doctor of the topic just fine, with the information _she_ had _implanted in him_ , and he was inept to those kinds of things. She was an expert on just, right about everything. But c'mon! He was supposed to believe not only that she had auto-treated herself, but that she did it _because_ she knew otherwise the psychologist would- what? Do it the way it should be done and then tell the Alliance "Yes, she was affected as any human being should be, but she is fine now. She is cleared for duty."? Know what should only be known by her and her only? What?

And then, her big beautiful eyes had turned up towards him, and he had looked down. He shook his head at her, and she murmured "Sorry, I'll give you the full version someday, the one without plot holes." After that, he had asked her to give him only the full version, or nothing at all. She accepted.

From these memories, from these experiences, he knew some things for sure.

His Agatha was not invulnerable to trauma.

And if needed, she was perfectly capable of lying, even at the most intimate of moments.

He picked up a data-pad where he had opened a drawing program, where he was truly making a timeline.

 **2157 CE: Cerberus is founded.**

 **2170:** **A human farming colony, Mindoir was raided by batarian slavers who slaughtered most of the colonists.**

This was important. In human colonies, there were only humans. Rarely a species from one race will visit the colony of another. Agatha wouldn't have had encountered them in her early years. Cerberus couldn't have contacted her before the attack, why would they pay attention to the daughter of a farmer, or vice-versa? Yet, right after, it would have been the perfect moment.

 **Those not fortunate enough to die immediately were subjected to horrific cranial implants that the batarians used to control them. Shepard was 16 years old.**

Hatred of aliens could have built up rather easily, especially at that age, where not really structured thoughts can become life-long convictions.

 **The Alliance dispatched troops to drive the batarians out, but their defenses were too strong. The Marines were pinned down, forced to watch but unable to help.**

This could have driven on the point that the Alliance was not competent enough to serve humanity as it should, which was a very common reason Cerberus gave around to attract followers. Also, he knew the Alliance was not made up of saints; it was made up of professionals. That person Agatha was interviewed with was probably not at all interested in her mental health, and only pretended to be, probably to make an IQ test on her. The Alliance knew traumatized children could either become valuable assets or dangerous terrorists, in both cases the beforehand information would be useful. He knew Shepard must have had an above average level. Cerberus, back handed ad it is, would probably be extremely interested in the survivors for the same reasons, and especially her. Until she joined the Alliance at 18, they would have around three years to fill her head with hatred, and both physical and mental training. It would certainly explain the high scores she had in basic, which were much more from even the most talented. It would also be perfect for her to go unnoticed. It would not be the first time Cerberus used sleeper agents.

 **2176:** **Elysium is attacked by a large force of mercenaries and pirates, most of them batarians, under the command of Elanos Haliat in the Skyllian Blitz.**

Batarians, aliens, again. Agatha did never answer to Ash's racist comments. And Haliat had said he was funded by them.

 **Shepard was on shore leave on Elysium when the Blitz occurred. Shepard rallied a resistance force and managed to single-handedly repulse the enemy ground force long enough for reinforcements to arrive.**

Shore leave, in other words, time away from Alliance soldiers and officers, time in which she could have been contacting Cerberus without much fear of being found out. Also, if she was with some armed Cerberus fellows; it would have made such a feat much, much easier.

 **2183: Normandy. Admiral Kahoku.**

Ok… The Normandy had some of the most named and talked about officers in the Alliance, for some reason he was thrust in there too, so… if they made up a… if they showed… Shepard destroying one of their operations then… she would be the last one suspected to work for… No, they had husks, and Shepard was pretty, obviously surprised and disgusted and horrified when they saw the husks on Eden Prime, that much was undeniable, so she couldn't have known before- when would they have even contacted her? It would have been after- and she wouldn't occupy her time with things like that with so much at stake… then again, he really didn't know- but he did know! She was anything but not stupid, and only an idiot would waste time like that…

He dropped the data-pad and pressed his fingers against his temples. He was developing a headache. Still he just had to… figure this out.

Ok, then it would make much more sense if it had been something recent, after the battle of the Citadel, when they were sent to look for left over geth, when they should have been facing the real problem. Her getting impatient and desperate could have warranted her going to Cerberus, but destroying the Normandy for it, and _then anyway doing nothing for two fucking years…_ Besides, if it was at that time, she would have done it just when _they_ were- and she didn't even _ask_ him if-.

Fuck, he was also developing heartache.

But then again, he _didn't know_ if she truly did nothing for two years. But then, she couldn't have done anything because people would recognize her… unless… she had plastic surgery…. And then, after two years she could have needed to use her Specter Status again… and thus… changed back, and that would explain why when he saw her on Horizon she had those scars all over her face. And it would make sense; sure, it would have been more convenient to wait until they were healed but if it was urgent…

Thinking back though, how exactly would they pull off the trick with the first Normandy? They had no way of knowing Joker would stay behind, so he would have had to be involved, too. But that escape pod was the last. And also, they just risked the most important agent they could have for this, when there could have been a millionth easier ways to fake her death…

And how would they convince Joker? All he cares about is flying, and he loved that ship. Also, you'd think he'd have enough time to sit down in the pod and not break 70% of his bones if he knew of it before hand…

And what was the deal with the SR2? Destroying the first ship would be more of an unnecessary, costly waste if they still needed the ship, and ok, fine, not the Normandy SR1 itself because that was too obvious, but then why freaking name it the same?

And if Shepard was a clone the scars would make no sense, much less the time they took to make her. They would have needed the clone much sooner than a few months back, because after so much time finding a bit of her DNA in the planet would be impossible.

And, ok, she had lied that one time. But truly it was a personal topic she had no obligation to even be discussing with him at the time, so she covered up a few patches here and there she wasn't ready for, it didn't truly mean she was _used_ to doing it.

If she actually has experienced death… how must she be? How do you get over something like that? How can she even handle him? Has she actually tried, or had she just convinced herself she is over it, the way she did with the other…?

And how she greeted him on Horizon…

 _"Hey Kaidan, how have you been?"_

If he thought about it, which he was, it was actually a lot like what Agatha would do.

She was… never one to immediately go and give explanations, or just stay static. She is the kind of person that would try to defuse the situation, make it casual… try not to over think it…

Damn him if the "I was dead and resurrected" story didn't make more sense.

He sighed and rubbed his face. His head was pulsing and his eyes hurt.

He could speculate all he wanted, but what he truly had to do, was go and get to know that woman in the ship.

He groaned, god, everything was seriously hurting.

He stayed like that for a while, dizzy, he tried to move to dim the lights but it hurt, he felt like there were tree roots growing from his implant and into his brain, moving and taking everything.

He hadn't been eating or drinking as he should have, for fear of… well.

The lights mercifully tuned off then, and soft hands massaged his scalp like it was their job, with such familiarity and efficiency that Kaidan couldn't help but let out a relieved moan. And then he realized only one person in the ship would know that helped. He turned around like a whip, eyes opening, he was about to say something but everything that came out was a wail of pain.

"Shhhhh… I know Kaidan, I know…" She murmured.

'No, you don't. You don't know what I was just doing.'

He was slowly pushed backwards to lay down, with fingers still making pleasurable patterns against him temples and behind his neck. Half lidded eyes looked up towards those green ones he had missed so much…

She was beautiful.

He let himself drift to unconsciousness.

 **Author's note: There is a dramatic catch here. PM me if you have found it yet.**

 **THANKS!**


	12. Section2 part6:Remembering and Planning

She carefully touched his face, not wanting to wake him up. He may have dossed off in the middle of a headache, but he looked peaceful. She missed that, amongst other things, many other things she could not even begin to count, and not all of them were related to him, a good amount, but not all.

She had come down to tell him they were ETA 1 hour 45 minutes before arriving to Mannovai, one of the first three salarian colonies. She had Kasumi, James and him; her normal squad consisted on three so he had to come. She came to tell him herself because trust and affection built on interaction, not necessarily lengthy but constant, and from him, she wanted both. She had not fooled herself into thinking anything farther was possible at this point, but those two? She deserved them. And then, she saw him, clutching his face, his head, and it was two years ago all over again. How many times had she walked in on him having one of those? It may have been in the Captain's Quarters, in front of his damaged panel, in the SR1's corridors, or in their hotel room during shore leave, every time she felt compassion tug at her heart strings. And couldn't help but think that in his vulnerable state he looked adorable. This had been no exception. He may not want her anywhere near him, he may hate her, but that was not going to stop her from helping. And truly, giving him that little massage had felt like nothing but second nature, completely natural, perfectly expected.

He looked almost the same. Now that she could actually sit down, relax for a second and simply observe him, she could see some new experience lines, particularly between his eyebrows. His hair had not changed at all though, she smiled. She knew that was his kind of hair, thick, strong, contrary to her own. There would be no salt between those pepper curls until he was in his late forties, and it would never fall off. She noticed a little scar in his collarbone. Her fingers traced a path towards it, and then she felt around it. The injury had been everything but little, though, the skin surrounding it felt just a little bit different, only a doctor or another as experienced around a gun as her would notice. It had been cured in the moment with medi-gel, and it had to have been twice bigger. He surely was in a solo mission, he had field medic training and would have been able to instruct a partner had he had one. No, the work in it had been sloppy, probably in the mists of desperation, but still he kept focused enough. A wound like that could have killed him easily. And if she had to guess, it was probably the work of a MG 78 LETHAL-F grenade. Those had been banned, way too unpredictable and could cause damage to both sides. Basically, it was a bomb that exploded, which send mini bombs that also exploded, which send mini-mini bombs that exploded, which send mini-mini-mini bombs that also went boom. He had received the smallest version. Still, he should have known better than that. He was better than that. She sighed, rubbed his hair a little. What else had he gone through? How many times had he come close to dying? Just how possible could it have been that she awoke in a galaxy that didn't have him?

Anyway, she had a box to steal and a plan to change. She slowly stood up, and turned to be on her way when "Kratpssss…" a pad she accidentally kicked slid across the floor. Oh, had that been what triggered his discomfort? He probably over worked himself thinking on a subjective topic with objective basis, wouldn't be the first time and she doubted her death would have had any say on it. She picked it up, curious. The more she read, the more her blood chilled. She could practically see the flow of his thoughts.

Hate. Recruitment. Infiltration. Communication. Hate. Power. Normandy. Fabrication.

Damn her, he found ways to find her guilty, and she ways to relieve his pain. She looked back at him and her eyes landed on the gun he had besides him. He wouldn't need it. She took it and went on her way.

…/././././….

"Are you actually saying the mission won't be 100% silent?"

"Now, Shep, I thought you liked explosions."

"Kasumi, I also specialize infiltrating."

"No, not also. I specialize stealing and love doing it without anyone noticing what happened. In this case, they won't until the very end."

"You don't know that. You made the plan, you should trust in it."

"I am lacking a factor, Shep. I love doing this so much because the preparation is as important as the act."

"I am not as obvious as you think."

"Shep, you are not obvious at all. At Hock's party, I saw that. You can sneak up on someone almost as well as I can. Almost. It's your hacking abilities I doubt."

Agatha just shook her head, in truth, she knew Kasumi's doubts were justified, but she already had a plan in her head. Kasumi wouldn't approve if she told her though. She wouldn't even notice, at the end, so why say? "Trust me. So, I put this mask on so that no one recognizes me, and infiltrate as one of those science human students that came were granted a position to learn from the best. You go, get the necessary access codes, and pass them on to me. If someone catches me, I say I have done such a good job that I have been given more liberties. Any guards I come across, who have been given the actual student identifications, need to be knocked out. I take the box, and get it to the hangar. In the meantime you have hacked air security and gotten the hangar door open. James comes in with the shuttle, we hop in with it, and go on our way."

"Yep."

 **Author's note: I know, this chapter and the last? Not much happened. But things will be more interesting from here on. I hope. :D**

 **Remember: Commenting, for good or for bad, as long as it is constructive, will be appreciated. And I am forever grateful for your support.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: Hey guys! I have been disconnected for the last two days, if you tried to reach me in any way that may not have been registered and I didn't answer, I am sorry. Also, I have a quota for each chapter now, I haven't told you. If I ever post one, in this story, that has less than a thousand words, author's note notwithstanding, feel free to complain.**

The Maxus Facility was a peculiar work of efficient art.

It was posed directly under a waterfall, its roof dividing it in two, and making the water go through kinetic collectors, before joining the streams and restoring its course, ripping the benefits without risking nature's order. Salarians were conscious and considerate like that. That way not only they had the energy necessary to sustain their experiments, but were widen. Unless you came directly to the front, you wouldn't see it. Not from above, it's sides, and much less its back. The air defenses were cunningly disguised as trees, so one had to be pretty close to them to pick them apart. Fortunately, they were controlled from the security center, within the facility, so they didn't have to go through the trouble of finding and disabling them.

The crew had lest the shuttle pretty far to avoid discovery, and were now standing just next to the river before it went down. They would have to infiltrate the facility on foot. Kasumi appeared besides James.

"Hey, China! Uhm… I think it's a bit high for my tastes." He told her, nearing the edge and looking down uncertainly.

As Kasumi began explaining to him his place in the plan, and how he really only had to pick them up, and how he should pick them up to avoid being seen, Shepard fell back amongst the tress, away from their sight and ears. She was collecting favors. Kirrahe wasn't the only salarian she'd ever helped on the field.

 _Rain was pouring down, thick droplets getting into her eyes. Agatha Marline Shepard cursed herself for leaving behind her helmet. "It's groundside, I can breathe in my own oxygen." She'd said when John McCarthy, one of her subordinates, but more of a partner, considering, asked. "And look at it!" She had gestured towards a holo of the planet's surface. "The picture of a tropical paradise, perfect for vacation. Besides, the helmet may save me from a headshot, but the mobility and visibility it takes away could avoid I got one in the first place." She should have considered weather change. Next time, she promised herself, I will bring it for long, overnight staying missions such as this. She threw her thoughts out a window when she saw a clearing, slowly she crunched down between the leaves, observing. This was the batarian slaver's camp. Normally they would keep inside their ships, but this meant they had programed an exchange. Perfect opportunity to identify user._

 _"Lieutenant, dealt with them before, have you not?" The salarian Commander, Komtus, who led the operation asked, slightly turning towards her, speaking so fast she barely understood him. She was getting used to it, though. "Where do you think the prisoners are?"_

 _Her only contact with batarian slavers was in her childhood, and it didn't give her any insight in their workings. Someone probably meant to tell the commander about her previous experience, and that he should tread carefully with her. Now, she absolutely resented the coddling, but the fact was, he understood it as "she may be useful" and didn't truly know the circumstances behind the connection. And for it, she couldn't even glare at him, as he was oblivious to the memories brought forth._

 _"I'm sorry, but you are misinformed." She answered, and the Komtus frowned. She got distracted when she took in the structure of the place. There were two houses, one on the northern side of the settlement, which was to her right, was big, and heavily guarded, as it could be with sleepy and drunk batarians. At first glance it could be thought to be where the slaves where held, but there was something off. Those batarians seemed too much in their comfort zone, and while yeah, you needed to put the capties somewhere, you yourself also needed somewhere to be. And it was more probable that you would get the most comfortable place, than be fair with the numbers. Batarians were more likely to sleep in the big house, leave the human slaves outside, and lock up in the little one the salarians scientists they had kidnapped for god only knew what reasons. A batarian stepped outside from the big house, carrying what looked like… food… towards the small one. "However," she continued in hushed tones "I think they may be in…" she pointed to the small house"…there."_

 _She glanced at Komtus again, only to find him closing his omni-tool. " Apologies. I was just revising the intel we had on this group, but we don't have much. Everything worth noting is that their leader is an asari." Well, Shepard thought, this whole deal had made for a nice inter-species mix. "Repeat yourself."_

 _Phrased as a command, but no more than a request, she knew. And so, without offence, she did._

 _He didn't believe her, and did as he conceived wisest, but as the night went on, she was proved right. The 'little house' truly took to a giant underground dungeon. The mistake didn't cost anyone their lives, luckily._

 _At the end, they saved the scientists, gave them back to an uneasy salarian - and rescued the slaves, getting them back home. That filled her chest with tampered joy; they had, after all, still gotten the trauma. And the Alliance hadn't cared so much for it, as they had for looking good in front of a council forming species. It angered her to no end, but she knew politics formed part of the deal. She had no doubt something about "priorities" and this "being a special case." Later that day she would look up the current ambassador, and it was the first time she decided she didn't like Udina._

 _They were departing the ship used for the mission on the citadel, though she wouldn't have time to look around, she had to report to Arctarus soon, when she was called. "Lieutenant Shepard!" It was Commander Komtus, rapidly walking towards her. She wasn't on duty anymore, so she merely raised an eyebrow. When he reached her, he continued. "You have shown yourself an outstanding soldier, and I apologize. I came in with low expectations at the notion of working with humans, and didn't truly put into consideration anything you told me after you negated your experience. Foolish, as a commander I should have known better than that. Impatient. Saved my life, besides. You have my thanks, and should you ever need anything, contact me."_

 _Truly, she hadn't expected that. She shook his hand. When in the battlefield, he had instructed more of them to the south part of the camp, not expecting the amount of hostiles that came on the other side. Nevertheless, the moment he had given the other, she had signaled behind his back to the rest to be watchful with it t. She had to try. For some reason, she received more than a few nods of confirmation. So, when they went in, she had been the one to pull him into cover before he was filled with holes. "Thank you, Commander. But do not worry. I was doing what had to be done, and I know you must lead a busy life. I wouldn't expect you to-"_

 _"Nonsense. I never forget a date or a name. This promise is unalterable and careless of time."_

 _He wasn't wavering. "Ok, then. I thank you, commander." With a nod, she turned to leave._

 _"Lieutenant." He said. She turned. "Don't ever refuse a favor. You never know when you'll need them."_

This was a big risk, but if she didn't take it, the mission would fail. Now, at least they had a chance. "From Commander to Security Chief of the Maxus Facility, it's clear you've changed a lot Komtus. I wonder though, do you still remember a name?" He had always seemed pretty basic for her, he had one way of looking at things, and has kept them all this time. She was almost completely sure.

"…I do, I never forget. But whose name? And for what favor?"

She answered.

 **Author's note: I know there is no development in the Shenko relationship, but well, the story is not mainly about their love… ok, it is, for me at least, but guys, it is not the only thing there is to it. K?**

 **Also guys, remember I am horrible at revising? Just tell me if you see any mistakes.**

 **BTW, Komtus is kind of stupid, isn't he?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Maxus Facility - Public bathroom**

They got in cloaked.

She looked at herself in the mirror, with the mask Kasumi had brought on, and didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. That was the point, but still, she had only gotten that feeling one time before, and that was after waking up in an operation table, fearing for Kaidan, sure she had somehow managed to survive suffocation and pleading to whatever god that existed that the Alliance hadn't sacrificed any lives to safe hers. Even though, she was sure it was pointless to try to change a past event. And she had been wrong on so many things, on so many levels.

Now, her cheeks seemed bigger, her chin jutted out, her nose was pointier than usual and she could swear her brows were thicker. Realistic, but ugly, as much as Kasumi reassured her it was nothing like that, she was sure her eyes weren't deceiving her. She shot Kasumi a quick glance, who was engrossed getting those codes she wouldn't actually need, and sent Komtus a photo of her 'self'. And quickly turned her omni-tool off as Kasumi turned.

"I am passing those codes to you now, Shep. I have edited all video feeds. According to all cameras, you arrived with the other students about a month ago. Luckily, they have been sectioned in a way that not everyone knows each other. And with the established schedule, you won't run into everyone important."

"I thought that was a given."

"It was Shep. Now, go! Scoot."

Agatha rolled her eyes, securing her false ID into her new coat and reaching for the door.

"And don't hit everyone. Try to flirt some guards into submission." Kasumi grinned.

Agatha turned at that, eyes wide. After regaining her bearings, she realized Kasumi was joking. Everyone knew salarians didn't have particularly strong sex drives, if any at all. They must have however, all intelligent life developed from instinctive beings that wouldn't have done a thing to have children if they didn't feel an urge. So, she followed along. "Flirt them into submission?"

"Yeah, have fun. You've got to be able to flirt? Or are you inept at something besides dancing and hacking?"

Agatha concealed a smirk. "I'll try." If she knew, she mused, her mind going back to a few of those moments she just couldn't hold her tongue, and didn't want to.

….

 _"I like a man shaped by his experience."_

 _…._

 _"The Captain said to meet him at Flux. That club down in the Wards."_

 _"Well I guess you better go, then."_

 _She waited for the telltale "tuk" that came when Joker disconnected, and then leaned close to Kaidan. "Next time, I am not letting Joker, Anderson, or even goddamn Admiral Hackett stop me."_

 _…._

 _"Well, that_ is _a beautiful view. You were right, Kaidan." She whispered at him, hands on the railing of the balcony, looking over the English bay. He kissed her hair, and wrapped his arms around her, as friendly as he could. They were exposed to any praying ayes that may recognize her as the Hero of the Citadel. They were restricted, and would be for much longer, she thought somberly. She suddenly felt an undeniable, rebellious urge to lean into him, kiss his passionately, in plain sight, like neither had a care for the world. She could do the next best thing. It was a shame, actually, for the view was truly beautiful. Still, it would appear the next day. She turned and murmured in his ear "I think we can better enjoy it inside though." And like that, she got back into the privacy of a room. He must have been surprised because he did take a second to follow her. She would tease him about it later._

 _…._

 _They were in the Mako, disgustingly sweaty and panting heavily. The plan had been simple, Garrus would run over some geth, drop them off, and run over some more as they shot, and kicked the rest. A thresher maw appearing into the mist had really taken everyone by surprise. They had hopped right back in, because as much as she found the idea appealing, she wasn't irresponsible, and fighting such a beast on foot was freaking irresponsible. Now, she would get to the turret and Kaidan to the navigation panel. They had to have battlefield awareness. Still, in her excitement, she couldn't help but give him a quick peck on the lips and a smirk. No one was looking, so why not? They defeated the damn thing without a problem, and Kaidan the whole day kept glancing at her._

 _…._

 _"When will you have that thing fixed?" She asked, coming from behind him and leaning into him in the most un-suggestive way possible. He jumped a little, hearing her voice, but as soon as he had tensed, he relaxed. He smiled softly at her. He seemed tired. "It's not damaged; it just needs to be calibrated. I would ask Garrus to do it, he is obsessive about these things, but that's the Mako for him. Besides, I like doing this. Keeps me focused, helps me practice."_

 _She was alarmed. "So, all this time we have had a loose end while flying the ship? And I haven't been notified."_

 _"You'd be bored if I began explaining it to you." He uttered, she glared. "Shepard, it is a minor detail that does not really affect anything as long as it is kept within certain parameters. It just needs to be kept under watch."_

 _And they just stayed like that, inconspicuously enjoying each other's company; until it became apparent she had to keep going with her rounds. After a quick look around, (Joker's camera didn't reach that specific spot, thank god) she nuzzled behind his ear. "Well, there is another thing that needs to be kept under watch tonight."_

 _…._

…And they all had been prompted by Kaidan. Before him, she had never felt so… free in any other relationship. And now, she was always watching herself around him, watching _him,_ waiting for any sudden change with dread.

"Shep?"

She startled, but it didn't show. When she lingered in her deteriorating, fading, if not already non-existent, love life, it really sucked the energy from her. At least with Kaidan, she had never much worried or cared much about it. She simply raised her eyebrow at Kasumi, willing away the heaviness that had settled over her being. "Yeah?"

"Is it your toy boy on the ship?"

"No, Kam, he is not my toy-"

"Shep, you helped me with Keiji. I am here."

"…thanks. I do appreciate you being here."

A pause. Finally, Kasumi broke it.

"Just, Shep, remember he is alive." With that, she disappeared, leaving Agatha to her thoughts, and to her part of the mission.

 **Author's note: Hey. You have probably realized this chapter sets a clearer past rather than go forward. Well, that's intentional.**

 **Guys, I have realized that each chapter may be a little short on plot. You tell me, ok?**

 **Also, Trespasser came out yesterday, and I just can't buy it! D: There is a whole story behind it, and I just don't wanna tell it.**

 **Also, next week will be a busy week. I'll probably stop posting through it, so sorry guys.**

 **Thank you guys for being present! Oh, and remember: Any incongruence, you tell me.**


	15. Sec 4 part1:Reservations of the selfless

**Author's note: So, this one will probably be the last one until after the next week. Hope you enjoy! Tell me what you think. K?**

Kaidan woke up, feeling incredibly relaxed. His muscles weren't tense at all, his shoulders and neck, which had become a given, were especially loose. Truly, it was like he had gone to a spa, and slept on a cloud. Desperately grabbing at the feeling, he tried to keep his mind empty, unburdened. But the attempt was as futile as trying to stop the explosion of a nova. He remembered the last time he had been like that, and it went back to having his arms wrapped around a woman who either didn't exist anymore, or had all the reason in the world to hate him.

He felt the strain on everything come back. Well, at least he was familiar with it.

Why was he feeling like that, again? He reached back towards his latest memory, and immediately knew. Anytime she treated his headaches, heaven fell over him. It didn't begin until after they got together; they were in the hotel room after, ahem, enjoying the view of the English Bay when he stood up, wanting to surprise her with breakfast on bed, and a wave of vertigo crashed on him. He got back into bed as the dizziness slowly converted into walls crushing his brain against his skull. He had not been resting much those few first days on shore leave, he had to admit that, but he truly hadn't expected the pain to befall him, not when he was so unstressed, so happy. He doesn't know if he made the bed bounce, or if he groaned a bit too loud, but then she was tenderly hugging him, murmuring sweet comforts and questions on how she could help him, where did he have the pain killers. In truth, he found her closeness had a sedating effect on him as it was, and he didn't want to spend the day sleepy, sluggish, lethargic, he much preferred the idea of letting it wore off with a couple of hours and fully relishing in the rest of the day he had with her. He knew whatever carefree time they had there would undoubtedly be the last in many, many months, when they were called back to the Normandy. And that would be their last time together on much more if they were sent to different posts. He was sure she'd use her Specter Status to visit him one way or another, but still, the time they had there was precious. So, he lied, told her he had forgotten them. And because she was too worried, and was way too kind, to not do anything, she started massaging his scalp. And oddly enough, it worked. With time she became a specialist at it. He doubted Cerberus would teach her that. Ah, yes. Her and Cerberus.

He closed his eyes in shame when he remembered what had caused the migraine. Had she known, she would not have been as willing to help him. He sat up on the couch and leaned to pick up the pad. It wasn't there. Of course it wasn't there, there was no way she had not seen it. But, had she read it? He revised the place like an obsessed maniac, or like a very dedicated detective, and found nothing. Except 26 bugs with a different design to the last ones he had taken. It was the work of that thief, surely. His gun was gone too. She had read it. The whole ordeal with checking up inventory came back to him, and he momentarily thought he may get a migraine, again.

 _"No, no I don't. You know that."_

 _He was just about to ask her if he really did know a thing, for she really was acting weird, when she spoke again. "We could add up your gun with the rest."_

 _She knew? Had he exposed himself to the cameras? Had the AI told her? "My- gun?"_

 _"Yeah, I mean, you must have had a gun when we escaped, right?" She had concluded he had one, but she didn't really know._

 _"Ah, no." He replied, thinking quickly of an excuse._

She did know. That was why everything was so out of place, that's why she said what she said. She had wanted to take the truth out of him. It was all an act, taking people down there for all that bustle had been to do nothing else but test him, his loyalty, his honesty, his trust.

And he had failed it.

But she let him keep it. She hadn't been working behind his back, he knew her. She wouldn't risk running into him at the wrong moment, not when he had a gun. Or she could have simply carried one along with her, and still do it. But that would implicate she was capable of shooting him. Was she capable of shooting him? Of course she was, if he stood in her way. He was sure, and he actually was sure of this one, that she did not want that Batarian system to be destroyed with so many families, but she did it because there was a balance. If in the end she thought taking lives was absolutely the _only_ way to save more, she'd take it. If it took killing him, she'd take it. Even if she still, somehow, felt for him, even if she hypothetically loved him, she'd kill him if it turned out to be necessary. It'd freaking hurt her but she would do it. In the battlefield, with how she comes and risks her life daily to save innocents when her life could do so much more for much more people, many mistake her with being selflessly selfish. But he knew better. She was _never_ selfish. She was selfishly selfless. When she risked her life, it was because she _knew_ she was capable of surviving. And thus, letting those people die would be unnecessary, which was completely against her internal, moral code. So, yes, if she had to kill someone, or let them die, under the premise that she had to live to save more lives, she would, including him. It was part of why he fell in love with her, because not only was she selfless at heart, she was in her head too. Maybe subconsciously, but she was. So, really, the question was, would she think killing him necessary?

Not at all.

So, she wasn't doing something important behind his back.

Of course, that was if she was even herself in the first place. He flinched in guilt at his own thought.

What he knew, if when he woke up he thought she had all the reason to hate him, well, she obviously did now. It was most likely why she had finally taken the gun.

He had to see her.

He had to talk to her.

He had to finally quench the doubt.

And either way, set things right.

He strode towards the door, determined, and then, it opened to show her. He strode towards the door, determined, and then, it opened to show her. She was in her under-armor, a loose shirt and small shorts; ; she must just have gotten back from the mission, left him because of his state. Her hair was more of a mess than usual, the kind that will actually make her go to the bathroom to straighten it out if she sees herself in the mirror. How that happened, he didn't know, for in theory she shouldn't even have taken a gun with her. But when had things ever gone according to plan with her? When he first met her, he wondered how she could command such respect and authority when taking so little care of the image that had to convoke it. He himself was sort of paranoid with his. What he did instantly catch, though, was her ability to cause admiration.

Her face was carefully blank, but he knew her, if she was her. He could see she was hesitant.

And his mind had left him.

He knew what he wanted to do.

But he didn't know how.

"I need you to test the box, see if it works."

Maybe he had to take it slow?

"Of course." They didn't move. "I am sure it's not called 'box'." He said lightly, teasingly. He had never been the one to take the wheel, except before Ilos. But even then, _she_ had asked _him_ to stay.

She was a bit surprised. She took her time, but in the end, she answered almost in kind. "You can ask Liara for the official name. I forgot it as soon as I heard it."

"I bet you marked it 'expensive useful box' in your head."

She smiled a bit. "Something like that."

And they went down to test the expensive useful box.


	16. Sec 4 part2: What is it now?

**Author's Note: Finally, I have some time for you guys. You know? When I could I tried writing the story on my notebook, but truly, with the shifting moods and tiredness, it just looked unnatural. So, yeah, I began all over again the chapter, but it'll be worth it, you'll see.**

It was not that she'd forgiven him. Maybe forgiven wasn't the right word, she'd always detested people who complicated their life uneasily, causing restless pain to themselves, and their loved ones. And it was not like she didn't feel the right to be angry, because she had it, but in the same way she knew he had a right to the brain storm he was suffering. In fact, it was a wonder it wasn't worse. Kaidan Alenko was a man who relied on his experiences, on his knowledge, sure, his brain was able to deduce further up the line, precisely since everything that happened was recorded and put into position in the map, if he sees a blank spot and he is missing a mountain, it'll be obvious to him where it freaking is. But that was that, he played it safe, he left ways out. And the only way to leave an out was by knowing where it was. He wasn't one to venture down the blank spots to see what he did from there. If he did so, it was because he didn't have any other choice and he did so reluctantly. Even when he was a recruit, he had told her, who tend to be very impulsive, he followed the orders of his officers like they had a third eye destined to evaluate him at all times. And for him, it had worked. He hadn't been like that because he didn't thought himself capable, he wasn't scared of getting blown to bits otherwise or getting a dishonorable discharge, he did it because if there was something he could trust, was that said officer had been on the field longer than him. But in the same way, his time at BAaTT had taught him they could commit mistakes, but maybe that was because never before they had faced a challenge like training biotics, and at the end, they asked the turians mercenaries for help not because they thought it wisest, but because they were scared of 'public opinion'. Thus, only when he saw the superiors nervous or down a path he recognized to be dangerous, did he step up and gave some subtle guidance. That was what he had tried to do for her when he warned her to not 'cut corners.' Had he not felt towards her, and hadn't known she felt towards him too, he wouldn't have been so obvious though. He even followed it up with "I've seen what" it "can do, and I'd hate it to happen to you." He wasn't even thinking about what he was saying, by the gods, he stuttered. She sighed. He was always adorable when he stuttered. Anyways, it was she who could really not handle following orders. She couldn't even handle going through a manual step by step before quitting and trying to figure it out herself, even though she knew she'd eventually go back to it, she could just not be blindly obedient. Ever since she was a child, doing what her mother told her without asking 'why', or flat out answering 'no' was a challenge. It did not help that mother had a temper. Mom would throw tantrums dad said were worthy of someone Agatha's age, at the time, but that even so she didn't. She'd tell Agatha that she was ungrateful and other such things. Nevertheless, she had some pretty nice memories of her mother, the two of them picking apples fallen from the trees or she simply asking her how she was, how was school, was she sleepy yet, or did she need a story, a song, or maybe simply time? She was nice like that, attentive. And father, he had always been a source of warmth, he'd always answer her questions. He encouraged her questions, her doubts. She remembers once or twice she'd ask, and he'd change his mind. "You are tough girl, honey!" He'd say, "I bet you will be able to handle anything when you grow up… oh, but no military. They'd throw you out before you took a step in." Little did he know, though. So, yeah, back on the topic at hand, she couldn't blame Kaidan, she sort of understood. But it was hard to forget some things he's said, done, the pain he's caused. And she had hurt him too. She remembers that anytime she watched a romantic movie, and the pair would get together after much distress, she'd think that it was unrealistic, that it was downright impossible to go over the chasm conflict created. And now, even though she was talking amiably with Kaidan, now that neither made an effort to avoid the other, sometimes going as far as looking for the interaction, now that they hadn't had a glitch in weeks, now that she could swear he looked jealous when they got Thane on the ship and she hugged him like that drell deserved to be hugged, she couldn't help but fear she was trying with something already broken, that they would try to mend, and may, at some point, feel fixed, normal, but would always have that one thin, weak link that shouldn't be there, that would amount to a time bomb. She may be an optimistic person, but she had seen a lot, she had seen people commit suicide for love, she'd seen them drag on for the rest of their days empty, she'd seen them do atrocities in its name, and while she would _never_ stop believing in it, and she would keep fighting for it, she knew it was thin ice, she knew she had to tread carefully. And she wasn't so naïve as to believe he wasn't constantly observing, judging.

"Agatha? You alright?" He asked, looking at her from the sofa, worried. Not long ago the entire ground squad, except for James, had come up to her office, with information from Liara, to make up plan on how exactly they would infiltrate Cerberus, retrieve the tech, and if possible, neutralize them. They had made up the general plan, and were going over some alternatives and details when they slowly started retiring for the night. First Thane, then Kasumi disappeared, Garrus decided to go quite abruptly, (she could swear she saw something move in the air right next to him, like a light not well simulated by a cloak) and next thing either of them knew, Agatha and Kaidan were in her quarters late at night. She didn't know what to do, how to react, if she should keep going on like there was nothing. She didn't know. Kaidan for his part was completely enraptured with the planning, oblivious. Or that was, until he glanced up to find her thinking, or remembering. Few times she got like that when they were together, and though she had always assured him there was nothing going on, nothing of importance, that she was fine, today she took him by surprise.

"How are we getting past Horizon?"

She took him by surprise, but he knew what he wanted to reply. The problem was, he didn't know what he _should_ -

"Shepard, Liara is available on the Comm. room, said it was urgent and that you came as soon as-"

"Ok, EDI. Tell her I'll be there in a moment."

If kaidan ever hated himself, it was in that moment. In that moment in which she looked at him, beautiful eyes hopeful, and all he did was open and close his mouth like a fish, before she nodded, stood up, and walked out.

…...

"Shepard, one of my agents spotted a personal ship flying away from the Cerberus facility, and it was being attacked. She followed it all the way to Omega, where she was killed. In her last moments, she contacted me, but all that got through with the static was something about 'interesting and alarming', and that I should re-check your profile."

"My profile?"

"All the information I have on you."

Agatha nodded. Yes, it was important that they find evidence on the Reapers, but if this not only concerned her, but was 'alarming', then the resident of Omega could be under serious danger.

"I'll go check it out."

 **Author's Note: What could it be? What do you think? I bet you can guess it.**

 **On a more self-conscious note, was BAaTT written like that? Biotic Acclamation and Temperance Training?**

 **Also, next week will be a busy one too, not as busy as this one, so I may get a Chapter or two, or maybe three in, but you have been warned. I'll try to post as much as possible this weekend, if it helps.**


	17. Sec 4 part3: Gotta love Aria T'loak

**Author's Note: Sorry guys, the plan was to have at least two new chapters posted by now, today, but I had to accompany my brother to a football match, by the way, he won 5-4, and then go to the pool because my** ** _other_** **brother needed an excuse to go, now I have a headache, and too many things happened, so, yeah, sorry. But anyway, here you go.**

When she returned to her quarters, Kaidan wasn't there anymore. It didn't surprise her; he had a strong sense of respect and privacy, so he must have felt uncomfortable in her space without her present, and so late at night. And anyway, what was she thinking when she asked him that? "How can we get past Horizon?" She didn't even know if he had a relationship with another. Still, the question didn't actually suggest anything romantic… who was she kidding? If she followed his advice she would latch on to that to have an 'out', but she wasn't going to conceal the truth with him in any way, at least not in that matter. Sure, they weren't on the best of places with the other, but she knew she would be dooming any chance of anything if she begun contradicting her actions' intents. She passes the area of her office, into the bedroom when she realized there were no data-pads lying around. Yeah, he was also insufferably organized, but that was just one of the many reasons they worked well together, used to work well together… could work well together… complimented each other. And if she knew him at all, she could read his message between the lines.

Stop working. Sleep.

Were they as they had once been, at the moment, she had no doubt in her mind he might have left a note saying that, or gone to her directly, or stayed to make sure she did. She could avoid a good night's rest by doing _just one more thing that needed to be done_ , according to him. She was sure she had done the same for him a lot more. But at present, she was perfectly content with following through and flopping down into bed until an idea invaded her mind. She dashed up, took a millisecond to reach her desk, and opened the drawer. Yes, it was filled with the pads, but most important of all, it had his promotion picture turned up. She knew it had been down. When she laid down again, it took her much longer than it should have to shut her mind down.

The next morning when they got to Omega, Shepard took with her Thane, Kaidan and James. While Garrus was the ideal option for a sniper, his reputation in the area was not. Besides, Thane was more of a mix of between an infiltrator, a tech, and, yes, a sniper. No one else would be able to fill those spots so easily. And that was why she also took James, no one else carried the amount of grenades he did. The rest of the squad specifically lacked what he had for a life-time. They couldn't find Liara's agent, her body had already been discarded. They were just entering AfterLife when a sorry excuse for a living addressed them, his Vorcha beer spilling into the floor. A human though.

"Giiiiil, yurr 'ot som ballz!"

No, she didn't. She was a woman. She had no idea why the saying irritated her so, but she could hardly blame the drunkard. "And why would that be?"

"Ooooh, yae knol whie! Sowing yurr fase hirr, aftel helpin' Achalgen ant aking t same melneries thel sevices! Sul, Alia- _Arrrria_ wonp lit any-one kill yae hir, bult-"

She first thought he was confused, but mentioning Garrus meant he knew exactly who she was. " _I_ asked the mercenaries for their services?"

"Yeh, wat yur haf amricia? Yurr jus did, bur thel thei gob algy und yae welt…" He turned and pointed, barely keeping balance, to the door at the other side of the bar. "…ther…" He looked back at Shepard, then at the door, and the other one, and at Shepard again. "Shit, gil, you fasd! Yae must haf som sweet thigs on yae!" Now, he was simply ogling at her legs that were covered in armor. His drink was all over him. And wouldn't be able to give her much more information, it seemed.

"Thanks sir… well met." With that, she went exactly where she knew she'd get answers. To Aria.

"Shepard, what's this of you looking to hire mercenaries?" Kaidan asked.

She felt like she should have expected that. "I don't know, Kaidan. I know as much as you."

"You are no stranger to this place, that's obvious Shepard. You've made some enemies. So you must know _something_." He paused. "Just give me some context."

Whether he had just capacitated, or he hadn't been accusing at all, she didn't know. But she did know she wasn't up to this right now. She was just about to give him her final answer when Thane retorted. "Siha saved Garrus, who at the time went by the name of Archangel, from an attack led by several mercenary groups and criminal factions. Since then, they have also developed bitterness for her." She could have kissed him, but Aria's bodyguards getting them under gun sight was a much pressing matter. They took their weapons, and James almost got things out of control, before Agatha gave him _The Look_. Obediently, albeit grudgingly, he 'relaxed.' The guards kept their weapons trained on them as they came to stand before Aria.

Agatha thought it would be good to break the ice. "Can't help but detect the tense atmosphere."

Not surprisingly, Aria's attitude didn't change. "I've had Cerberus agents trying to infiltrate and organize on Omega. I am taking care of them as if they were insects. You understand I have to take a few precautions, Shepard. Please sit." She did. "But I know you have Omega's rule perfectly clear. So, what do you want?"

"I have heard some rumors. And I know there is something I will find both 'interesting and alarming'. You know what it is?"

"I do. But you already know how I manage myself, Shepard. What do you have to offer?"

"You would simply throw me out if there wasn't something I could help with. What is it?"

Aria seemed to be contemplating something. "How is your relationship with Cerberus right now, Shepard?"

"They are not my allies, and I am pretty sure they'd shoot me on sight."

"They have taken control of a Vorcha district, my men haven't been able to drive them out. I need this district for a very specific deal. I want you to take care of them, and once you do, I will give you all the information you need."

"You are bad at protecting you districts, aren't you?"

"They always end up paying for fucking with me. If I take care of them personally or not, doesn't matter."

"I'll take care of it."

"I know."

"I should go."

"Goodbye, Shepard."

And they did, wiped out the place clean of Cerberus, and restrained themselves from punching defensive, idiotic Vorcha. She felt heavy when they discovered Cerberus was doing experiments on them. It was Kahoku's men all over again. It really left her with shivers, thinking about what the Illusive Man was up to. She knew he thought his actions where more than justified, maybe he didn't feel remorse at all because they weren't humans. She often wondered if there was something to be done for TIM, if there was a way to make him understand how inhumane some actions could be, but with how far he'd gone, with the organization he had built, he was one of those cases without salvation. Shepard also discovered Aria needed the district free for a weapons dealer. Agatha, under normal circumstances, would have persuaded him to sell non-lethal weapons, or to sell somewhere safer, but with the Reapers arriving at any moment, she couldn't deny anyone the opportunity on owning a gun.

"I did it."

"I know, Shepard."

"So, what do I need to know?"

"Yesterday, a woman arrived on a personal ship. Had Cerberus clothes, but she brought a new outfit that she changed into immediately. She apparently had a good quantity of credits, but they could be stolen, since they are in form of credit chips. She rented a room and didn't get out until today. The first thing she did was come here to hire some Blue Suns, but as soon as they saw her they began insulting her. She left when she saw she wasn't getting anything done, and is right now on her acquired place. I understand she has gotten a lot of friends on the short time she's been here, and she seems to be trying to gain from favors. Like somebody I know." Aria gave her a pointed look.

"And why should I care for this girl?"

"She has your looks, your voice, every person that has seen her has said she is a clone of Commander Shepard."

Shepard felt Kaidan eyes burn the back of her head.


	18. Sec4 part4:Death, Irritation and Search

**Author's Note: By now, you'll get tired of my apologies. But it seems this last two days have just decided that I couldn't use them the way I wanted to use them. Life had its twists and turns, and we just have to accept it.**

Killing a man was not as hard as people thought. One did not have to be cold hearted to do it, didn't have to ignore the person's life, and didn't have to envision an animal or put things on black and white. In fact, it was for the best if someone knew. One had to simply weigh the pros and cons, know that the "death is not the only option" con won aver all pros, and simply understand what we were. Every sentient being was its own universe, with its own perspective, and really, an individual's extinction does not affect the actual universe. Live would always prevail, even if rationality didn't. Under that point of view, life itself could have its significance twisted and degraded. Unless, one took into account the only universe, perspective, that counted: its/his/her own. What could be the purpose for that universe? That the center, the person, be happy. If that was by doing a search for the truth, for knowledge, by pleasing its elders, by making itself the perfect example, by dancing in a club, by being the head executive of a company, that depended in the person itself, it's ideal and its believes. If a person was happy, then, when helping other people, by saving lives, and the **_only_** way to save a hundred was by harming one, then it was by all accounts necessary. If someone, as a social being, did not appreciate life and the people around him/her, not only would he/she feel unimportant because no one cared for him/her, but no one significant did, and thus would create a hole in what we could describe as his/her soul. That was the way Agatha Shepard saw things, and she used it as leverage not only to be as optimistic as she always tended to be, but to be comforted in the chance that the Reapers actually won. Then the next circle would at least have their millionth of years' worth of happiness. Sure, true, she didn't actually _care_ for those creatures she didn't even have faces to give to; she cared for her friends, their dreams, their families. But she could, and would fool herself into thinking she cared if her last moments were rendered useless in the face of inevitable destruction.

Now, if you had a problem _not_ killing a person, you needed to be reminded to check the pros and cons.

This had never happened to her.

Slap a person, punch him? Yes, maybe, and very little.

For example, she really wanted to punch Kaidan for his convenient occasional remarks and murmurs, and his flickering, doubtful gaze.

But killing a person? No, she had never felt an actual desire to do so. Not even with that Batarian that killed her mother. She only wanted him to understand the atrocity he was committing, but even as a teenager she knew it was a lost case, and that there was no bringing her mom back. She cried, and hit a wall until her knuckles were bloody, but she never actually wished death on the man. At the time she wondered if she was inept or something. Maybe she was, actually, maybe all humans were given the capacity to hate so much as to kill another person because in its early developments the human race had needed it for its survival. Maybe it was an instinct as common as lust.

Thus, Kaidan was safe enough.

And she was willing to bet anything, that it was a characteristic engraved in her very DNA.

So, when the teary woman who lived next to her… clone… told Thane a "wo-woman of shorrr-rt-t black hair, me-dium stature, and- an- a-" well, someone of her own description, almost, except for the hair actually reaching their shoulders, the scars and the "grander than life" air she supposedly carried, killed the five-year-old kid they found, which was her son, she knew for a fact that she was lying. That kid couldn't have interfered in any way with that clone's plans, and in the off chance she didn't share her believe… murdering kids was just inconvenient. And monstrous. After telling Thane to ask some other questions, it became pretty clear the woman had killed her own son either to avoid responsibility, or to make sure he didn't suffer their poverty. And was accusing the… second her… because she had seen her with a gun. The woman was also stupid, along with her uncountable anti-virtues, because she had committed the crime with a knife. Aria wouldn't care for the incident, and reporting a crime on _Omega_ was as pointless as trying to hold a conversation with a cow. So, she did what anyone would do.

She made sure to contact the lowly paid mercenary father, who had been made to promise to leave and look for the authorities that would care with his wife, and hand her over. Otherwise threatened that bad things would happen. The man seemed more than happy, and more than anguished with his son's death, to carry out the request instead of killing her himself. Apparently he had once loved the perturbation of a woman. Not the most professional of ways to deal with the matter, but Liara said she'd make sure it happened.

On the upside note, no one was confusing the clone with herself because the woman kept her head low, and her face was actually covered by her dark tresses. And they knew more or less where she was headed. Either she was going to Bolca District, which held _very_ low ranking mercenaries groups that would not have been likely to be part of the whole Archangel deal, and a Stripster Districts, which held a lot of contacts up to any kind of business, some, ahem, striping alike, and others that hid and meddled in plain sight with these. The question was which? Could they afford to divide the squad with only four people, practically three considering she herself couldn't be of much use with the same face? Contrary to popular belief, she was only a woman and she needed training to be how she was around a gun. But a pistol could be lethal on anyone, and she wanted to give some credit to herself. She wasn't stupid.

"You would go to Bolca."

She turned, her eyes landing on Kaidan. She restrained herself from saying anything regarding his sudden security on _how_ she was, and _what_ she thought. "Not really, when I was younger I thought if I was ever going to own a company, I'd much rather contract someone willing to manage for me. Experience showed me better."

"It could have been as well that you have matured. She was at first going to contract directly."

"Yes, but I wouldn't want lowly mercenaries. They have plenty of jobs, more than enough people want hired guns. The only reason they don't have much is because they are _bad_."

"And that you do know from experience. Even if she does, she may over estimate her own leadership based off only on what is known about you. Then think direct contact more convenient."

She did agree, but right now, with how irritated she was at him, she didn't want to concede defeat. "I don't think like that. If they are no good-"

"Elysium."

He didn't bring that up. "That was learned."

"No, it wasn't. You got those civilians to assemble without second thought."

"Desperate people-"

"Even she had to know that. Besides, Agatha, you won't say it, but you'll do anything to avoid stripers."

As if _that_ wasn't embarrassing, James commented. "Well, Lola, only acting unaffected, huh? Got ya', chica."

"Kaidan-" she was cut off when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Siha." Thane knew exactly why she wasn't conceding. She turned to him, and smiled slightly. He may have exposed her, but it was for her own good, she knew. She took a moment to regain herself. They didn't have time. And Thane always had a way of centering her. She nodded at him.

"We're going to Bolca, then."

 **Author's Note: Sorry for the dead kid thing. Don't know what got to me. Grimness is though, now that I think of it, part of a soldiers life.**


	19. Sec 4 part5: Jealousy and Findings

**Author's Note: First sneaked in chapter of the week! Whooooooooooop!**

Kaidan hadn't considered the possibility of her moving on. He just hadn't, hence why he had reacted so badly at Vega's little… stunt on the 'spouse' matter. As a Cerberus agent, it was just contradictory for her to have a relationship going on while trying to get in his good graces and convince him it was, in fact, her. And as herself, it was simply painful. And now, he was scared. He did not know why people when put in his situation tried to cover up the feeling, replace it with apprehensiveness, hesitance, cautiousness, or resignation. What he felt was nothing more and nothing less than fear of his suspicions being right. After all, she said she wasn't married nor engaged, but that did not exclude everything under.

When she expressed a need for a larger crew, even though he knew the new members would be anything but hardworking, honest, legal fighters, he didn't argue. In part because Agatha had that glint in her eye that said "I won't change my mind", and in part… because his little migraine had gotten her into a tight spot, going in a mission with a man less.

Later, he saw Garrus get onboard, but he wasn't surprised. Horizon had proved the turian was perfectly fine with following Shepard anywhere.

What did surprise him was an assassin, a drell, joining them, and Agatha hugging the guy tightly _squealing_. Agatha Marline Shepard did not squeal, she was not like that, that was not her. Not unless… she was…. extremely happy, overjoyed. The drell hadn't even surprised them, the only reason they were in that forsaken desert-like planet was to pick him up. And how she _talked_ to him! Her voice _way_ too sweet, her eyes _so_ wide, _so_ adorable. _"_ Oh, Thane _._ _Are you sure? If helping could deteriorate your- I mean, even if it didn't, you are under no obligation to help us."_ Kaidan thought himself a professional man, and would keep focus, but he did not like the mere suggestion of being paired up with the drell.

If one was to believe what Agatha and James claimed, Kaidan was incapable of acting natural, and laid-back in a mission. And a drell, no matter how he acted or what he dressed like, would stand out. So, the two of them, as the sore thumbs, could make a public sweep of the area, yes? He was relieved when Thane interjected, and offered to look from high above, or from shadows… until he saw how quickly Agatha warmed up to the idea, instantly nodding, happily accepting it, in high contrast with how she fought with him over whether or not they should come to Bolca. Sure, it was a matter open to much less controversy, but it irked him nonetheless.

He did not even know what to think about the probable existence of a clone, but that, if there was one, there could be more. Everything seemed to want to unnerve him that day.

Anyway, the plan was simple. Thane would begin looking for the Second Shepard as soon as possible, while Agatha and James took positions dressed in a way that neither would be recognized, or looked over. They'd be the blenders and look through the crowd. Once the blenders finished taking positions, he'd make an obvious effort to look for someone, acting both as a distraction, and to pike the clone's curiosity or a reaction. All of this hanging on the firm conviction the clone wouldn't escape. They all knew Agatha much preferred to confront than keep running.

As she and James began changing, Kaidan expected Thane to go do his part. He didn't. He just stood there, looking at him, lurking. That hadn't been the first time the guy did that, sizing up the competition, perhaps?

"What is it?" Kaidan finally asked. He was beginning to feel a sense of deja-vu. The look was too much like that his parents gave him, the only people ever also using him being Agatha herself and Anderson.

Thane's eyes seemed to drift and loose themselves. ""I appreciate our talks. You are a good friend." I say, she stops. Fierce, beautiful, a Siha. She's looking down, what is she thinking? I wonder. This is not how she usually behaves. She looks up, a smile on her face. She wants to say something, her cheeks pink. Hope blossoms on my chest. She hesitates, the roof, the floor, the wall, eyes flitting, indecisive. She closes them. She frowns, barely. She is remembering. They find me, the deep green orbs. "You are a good friend, too." She wanted to say more, but there is someone. I understand, I silently transmitted, Siha, it's alright. Chest doesn't feel tight, not like one would expect, she has helped me reach atonement, and happy I want her to be."

After Agatha died and he realized just how profound his love for her ran, Kaidan's main mission became moving on. In doing so, he buried himself in work. It kept him efficient, useful, and distracted. The long nights couldn't be avoided, but what was he to do? Every time he was granted shore leave, he volunteered himself for another mission. The thing was, optional undertaken missions tended to be so because they were the longest, riskiest, and farthest. The kind that was right after N7's business. His father, when he found out via his old contacts that he was taking them, asked him if he had a death wish. He _may_ have had, in part. He did not much care about any of it. Horizon itself had been one of those missions. It had not been his plan but it got him three things that since passing that stage served him in life, more or less, recognition, rank, but most of all, knowledge. He knew of drell and their unique memories, and with that, I didn't take a genious to know who the d- Thane… was talking about.

The assassin came back to the present. "You needn't worry about me." And with that, he disappeared, without using a cloak, only becoming one with his surroundings, with the dark and misery that always seemed to plague Omega.

Kaidan, for his part, didn't know whether to be truly relieved.

….-…-….-…-…

They couldn't find her. Thirty-eight minutes, rotating, absolutely every group of the squad had passed through each area twice, and not fleetingly, not fleetingly at all. Kaidan, especially, had spotted some people giving him the distrustful, accusing glare reserved for those who were intruding in their personal space. Agatha was half sure maybe the... girl… had actually gone to the Stripster District after all. Uneasiness in front of half-naked people was, in the end of accounts, something implanted into the brain by society and not so much by nature, so the clone may not have avoided the place completely. She turned away from the crowd, walked to the edge with James following a few paces behind her, opening her omni-tool and accessing the comm. open link between the whole squad when a rusty old door 8 meters in front of her exploded, and flew until it hit the other side of the corridor. Around her, chaos arose, mothers taking their children into their arms, turning to run, people of all ages wanting to see the commotion, nearing, teens shrieking, James cursing in Spanish, and fathers and husbands leading away their families while men who still didn't appreciate their life enough took out guns and rifles, happy for some action and the opportunity to make a name for themselves. Out stumbled a woman, gun in hand, her hair was short and wild, flying behind her, leaving her face exposed, showing an upturned nose, and eyes that were way too distinguishable, way too familiar, they met hers. Recognition flashed across both their faces, twin expressions, and then, they changed again. One took almost a celebratory glint, with purpose, if at least somewhat, trying to be reassuring. The other led fears invade it, fears that mingled with anger and converted into determination. Determination to turn around in the other direction, and run, away from the mirror image and the armed idiots who would begin pouring from the basement she departed.

"I found her! Northern plaza of the district, left alleyway!" Agatha screamed into the tool, chasing after the woman.

There really was a clone.

 **Author's Note:** **Yes, (CITADEL DLC SPOILDER, STOP READING) this is the clone from that DLC. After her fail in trying to talk with the lowly mercenaries, she would have found herself obliged to go to the Stripster District, where I think she would have met Brooks.**


	20. Author's Note: I'm Sorry

Before last week I was way too busy.

Last week internet was far gone.

And now, I have the chapter, I have the internet, but I don't have the batterybecause my brother used my cable and left it on his room, went on a trip. He always leaves his room under lock and key, and I don'thave the latter. Thus, the lap top in which I have the chapter is dead.

I know, it sounds an awful lot of excuses, but it-s the truth. And I AM sorry for not having faund a way, which they are. I could write the chapter all over, for example, and post it.

My only concern, is that, when I re-writewithout a guide, I make my own to-do list, and go marking each scene, thought off, but in doing so, I am doing more a task than something I love, and thus, it comes out dry. I have been very slow and boring with the last chapters I posted, and the next one is finally something... interesting... to say the least, and the last thing this story needs, is for me to do that, and for me, is the equivalent of sucking the enthusiasm and inspiration right out of me.

And I don't even want to think about what'll happen if you guys recieve a half-hearted attempt. It just doesn't seem fair.

For no-one.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: YES! I AM POSTING! HE CAME BACK FROM THE TRIP, THE BOOGER! I MISSED THIS!**

Next thing she knew, Agatha was sitting on a chair in small, dirty, not-so-white-anymore, square room, with a single light hanging over her head. Her hands and legs were tied behind her, but not with rope. She'd had untied it by now. It seemed like a mechanical lock, probably one of those highly expensive ones, and by the feel of it, opened by remote. She had no idea how to get out of those. She looked down on herself, she wasn't cut or bruised, and she actually had on something decent, as for her mental state…

"Agatha Marline Shepard. Born in Mindior. Joined the Alliance at age 18. Ex-Alliance number 0974274083. I am Alliance no more, only have the Normandy. The year is -. I died. Cerberus brought me back. I am preparing for the Reapers."

…was apparently fine. As ludicrous as some of the ideas and concepts thrown in were, it all coordinated with her mind. She tried with her most recent memories. They were chasing after he clone, she and Vega. They reached an area where the alleyway divided in two, and it would have been for her an easy escape had Kaidan and Thane not intercepted her. She talked with the clone, got _her_ to lower her weapon. And then, she smirked. Agatha had been spooked by it, and was about to figure out what the woman found so convenient when- nothing. There was nothing after that.

"Finished with the sanity check?" Her voice startled her, but it wasn't hers. Agatha looked up, to see an openly smug version of herself leaning against the door, a door that had to be opened for the woman to come in. She should have noticed that, typically she did. What was on with her? Finally, she identified the grogginess that could be associated with nothing but a heavy drug. She opened her eyes again, eyes she hadn't authorized to close, to see the clone sitting cross-legged down on the floor, hands clasped before her, eyes shining, exited. She looked like a little girl. Agatha didn't register her sitting down, she shook her head. It was like she could do only one thing at a time. She was either in her head, or alert, but considering her current situation and her lack of mobility, up in her head was the best option.

"Finished." Agatha answered, remembering she'd been asked a question, and focused on the woman.

"Awesome, 'cause I came down here to talk for a bit." Came down here, she said. They were on a basement or lower levels if they still were within a station. They… they!

"Where's the rest of my squad?!"

"Oh, they are fine. Just now talked with Alenko."

Agatha exhaled throw her nose, eyes closed. The clone wouldn't lie about that, if she did, she'd keep it quick. The comment about Kaidan was her confirmation.

"He's cute, isn't he?"

Agatha deliberately took her time opening her eyes. The clone was up to something.

"I found him handsome, so you must have too... Ever… acted on it?"

Yelling "that's none of your business!" was tempting, and she almost did, but it was the equivalent of revealing something _was_ going on. Why the clone wanted to know didn't matter, giving her any information she wanted was a bad idea. She brushed off the topic as unimportant. "Came down here to talk for a bit?"

The clone kept the smile on, but even in her state, though it was slowly wearing off, Agatha could recognize the chinks in her poker face. The woman didn't have the practice she had. She was impatient, and now, a bit angry. "Yep." Her tone was much better, lighthearted, nice, without a care for the world, but the response itself was too curt, it didn't match the drawn out poised ones.

"Then I have a deal for you." She had? Yes, yes she did. "We talk, but you must answer my questions, truthfully."

She shrugged. "Sure, I have no problem with that. There's not much you can do, anyway." The girl seriously lacked the experience for this. She should make it hard. There was no getting friendly while she had Agatha tied up. Still, she did hold the advantage. She needn't be honest in all the questions. But Agatha knew which ones to ask.

"What happened?"

 _Clone's Point Of View_

 _I cached my breath against the chair, looking through the window into space. That was close, they almost hit the ship. I smiled; it was a good thing that they thought it necessary for me to know how to fly. They never asked Shepard if she did… so just in case, they taught me. They could always say I learned. Cerberus fuckers, they didn't tear me apart for her, and when they can't use her anymore, they turned to me, so I could take her place. But I wasn't her, so they could… they could…_

 _I was going through the data of the Omega 4 relay. They would later show the human reaper. But now? I was studying. Shepard, or myself, had saved everyone from the Suicide Mission, except a couple of engineers. As always, envy seeped into my veins. I couldn't help it. I could have done the same, and here I was, being treated like a child. There was no true difference between her and me, other than various years._

 _"Jane!" I turned from the terminal at the call of my name… or lack thereof. "I have incredible news!" It was Nialy, a redhead, a scientist, and so far, my best friend. She was the less inclined to think me a poor, traumatized, worthless being. And while she could be a bit too enthusiastic, it was forgivable. Like right now, there wouldn't be good news until they told me it was time to take the life I deserved, and I had come to terms with that. I raised an eyebrow at her. "Your battlefield training begins in two weeks!"_

 _Actually, that one was good. "You're serious?!" Battle training meant I was entering the final stage of the program._

 _"I am!" I couldn't help it, I hugged her. I hugged her incredibly petite frame, she needed to eat something. "Yes, you- you just-" Her voice broke. I pulled her from the hug. That smile was fake._

 _"What is it, Nialy?"_

 _"I- I am just so proud of you."_

 _"Bull."_

 _"I'll… miss you! Yes, I'll miss you, that's… all." Something was off, but all I could do at the moment was comfort her._

 _"I'll keep in touch, you know that."_

 _She looked up, then back down at my face. Was she trying not to cry? "I know." She turned around, and looked at something in the far desk. She was avoiding something, but if I didn't know what, I couldn't help her. I decided to ask Joseph later. "You'll need to be operated." And she was going to avoid with work. I could only go along with it for now, give her time._

 _"Ok. Why?"_

 _"Shepard has cybernetics. If we are to fool people, we'll need to give you some enhancements."_

 _"And what are you looking at, the plan?" She didn't answer. "Nialy?" She had stopped moving, and she was looking down at something. "Nia?"_

 _"Why did they have to do this?" She murmured. "Everything was going so well. Why make me do this?"_

 _"What are you…?"_

 _She turned, gun in hand. On instinct, I crouched, but the sights didn't follow me, she shot at the spot she'd been looking at before. Something fell. She walked towards the door, opened her omni-tool, and began doing god knows what._

 _"What the heck, Nia?!" Again, she didn't answer. I looked the place she shot, on the roof. My gaze fell, and I saw it, a camera. I didn't know there was a camera._

 _"Jane." A hand on my arm turned me around, and the other shoved a gun at me. "Listen to me, they want to implant you with a control chip."_

 _"A control chip?!"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Then we need to-"_

 _"I have a plan. Turn that desk over, get behind it."_

 _"And you?"_

 _"I'll be right behind you."_

 _I turned that desk over, and hid. "C'mon, Nia. We need the cover."_

 _She walked over. "Listen, there is a ship ready at dock 20." I nodded, the door's lock began pulsing._

 _"Nia, the door."_

 _"You get out, and turn right. Go past the offices, and open the farthest door. Shoot at anyone you come across. Use this." She thrust her key-card at me, with another one. "In case it gets blocked."_

 _"Nialy, they are getting in any second."_

 _"Don't look back."_

 _"We'll go together, stop with the instructions, I don't need them!"_

 _"Don't take the elevator, shoot its camera, and activate it for the upmost level. But use the emergency stairs, and go one floor down."_

 _"Nialy!" The door opened, she shoved my head down, and she ran towards them. I got up anyway, prepared to shoot, and then I saw it. She opened her coat, and pulled from a cord. A bomb. I hid._

 **Author's note: PLOT TWIST! :D This story was being so lineal, man...**


	22. Chapter 22

Cerberus Station next to Omaga 4 Relay. 

She hid. Behind the table. Curled and hugged her head. She didn't hear flames, like she half-expected, instead, there was a sickening, wet, ripping sound, right after a strong boom, more disturbing than any of the screams of surprise, pain and misery that accompanied it. Nialy didn't yell. And Jane Doe slowly stood up, opening her eyes. So much red, dark red. She'd never seen so much before, and it was everywhere it could be. Her eyes focused on the center of the explosion. Armored bodies were dead weight, twisted like rag dolls. But those were all the bodies. Jane understood then, Nialy's remains were the scattered gore, there was nothing else left from her.

Her only friend, the only person she'd even felt any true sympathy for, the only one who'd given two freaks about whether or not she was happy, the one who had once been a lively ball of energy, was a bunch of useless flesh and cracked bones, her blood smeared around without an ounce of respect from the universe, or whatever God it was that played with their destiny. But Nialy had wanted it that way, she had done it for her. Nialy had died. Nialy was gone. For her. Revolting. Jane felt the nausea set in, and she expected to throw up right there. Her stomach waved, she heaved forward, her mouth opened, but her breakfast didn't make the reappearance. She had to go now. She couldn't waste time. She couldn't. Not after Nialy. She grabbed her gun, and ran. She obediently followed her demised friend's instructions, except for one.

Going down a hallway she encountered an elder woman in a medical coat, her white hair was held back in a bun and she was concentrated in a pad. Jane stopped and got her on sights. Shoot, her mind ordered, but her hand hesitated. She needn't kill this woman. This woman needn't be her first kill. She holstered her weapon inside her Cerberus jacket. It wasn't that she thought the woman innocent, didn't think the woman would call if she recognized her, or that she had never planned upon her harm, for all she knew, this elderly might have been part of the team tasked with taking away her free will. But maybe she needn't shoot her. Maybe she was so engrossed, so focused that she wouldn't notice her running by. She wasn't acting as though she had noticed the alarm, so it could also be that age tampered with her senses. And so, Jane endured those agonizing few seconds in which she neared and passed the doctor, hoping against hope that she didn't look up. The woman didn't.

And now, here she was, in a private ship. Not knowing whether to hate, or grief, or avoid… And because she knew the first two meant remembering, she chose the latter, and focused on the current situation. They hadn't shot her down, but that didn't mean they wouldn't attempt to trail her. She had agreed to the plan Cerberus had for her, up until it came in conflict with her identity. So, she had to hurry, but hurry somewhere that wasn't official, somewhere the authorities wouldn't peg her off as the clone she was, and somewhere with enough people she could blend in with. She looked at the ship's ceiling. A place with no law, thus no categorization, where there had to be a crowd. She nodded to herself, Omega. She looked up the location, and went.

When she arrived, she was nervous. She hadn't noticed anyone following her, but that was hardly their intention. Someone would have to dock after her, however. So, once out, Jane began walking slowly as to notice which ship arrived. None did. The dark and filth were encasing down on her, and she knew she was rapidly becoming a target for potential muggers, looking idle and oblivious with her speed. She could wait a little longer, she reasoned, but any longer and whoever disembarked would catch suspicion when finding her so quickly. And what if they were already in the station, what if Cerberus simply called a couple of contacts and she was about to get grabbed at this very second? As more holes came up on her plan, it became more apparent that she had to abandon it. She discreetly looked around. No small alleyway was empty. There was in each someone or something, leaning against a wall. But the wide pathways… those were open enough that she wouldn't be in immediate risk.

She bolted. People dashed out of the way, others looked at her as if she was crazy, but most seemed unsurprised. Omega must have its fair numbers of terrified escaping people per day. Jane risked a look behind her. An asari was chasing her. Hmp, that was her best decision in… ever. Enemy identified simplified things. Jane ran the numbers. The asari had to be highly trained, and experienced. Her only advantage was that the agent could have been ordered not to kill her unless unavoidable, and maybe, just maybe, raw natural talent she could use for a stupid stunt. And well, the element of surprise was never lost, ever; you only had to do something unexpected. She didn't need years in the military to know that. Jane contradicted her first choice, and ventured into a narrow alley. Once she was sure the asari was behind her, she stopped as harshly as she could while taking out her gun, turned and shot behind her. The asari's silhouette slumped as she cried out. In the dark, the glow of an omni-tool stood out, illuminating purplish skin, and moving pale lips. Jane hurried over.

"…interesting. Need to-" The asari coughed, blood sputtering out. "…check Shepard's profile, and her connections with Cerberus. Alarmingly- in- inconsistent. Aggressive, doesn't match-" She coughed again. But she didn't continue. Her azure eyes looked up at Jane. The incendiary shot had gotten her below a breast, and she had on no armor. There was no coming back from that. The woman was dying, and they both knew it. The omni-tool crackled with static. Jane crouched, and with a single finger, terminated the connection.

"I'm not the Shepard you think me to be, you see." She started, wanting to give the asari some measure of peace before the end. "I'm…" But what was she? Did her existence narrow down to being a great hero's clone? Was she truly but an unwanted waste? But an error? Was she what everyone on that station, but Nialy, thought she was? Another peon into others' plans? Just another person, but unmeant? Insignificant? No. No, she refused to be. Now, that she depended on no-one, she was but who she wanted to be. No, she was there for a reason. She was better. The Shepard that went around gaining fame was a recycled corpse, she was withered and tired, her resolve and determination getting weaker by the day, her memories and experiences, failures and grieves weighting down on her. _She_ didn't have any of that. She was refreshed, re-energized, she was... "I am the new one. I am the rough version of _everything_ she _ever_ aspired to be, the lone wolf she was _meant_ to be. I am everything anyone needs. I am what the _galaxy_ needs. I am it's _savior_." She looked at the asari in the eye. "I am your children, and _grand_ children's _only_ hope. I am your family's _hero._ I am _the one_ that's gonna be hailed and admired for _generations_ to come. I am gonna be the one written in the history books. I am gonna _always be remembered_ , and known, and _never_ ignored. I am the one _you,_ and everyone, should, and _will_ , be grateful to. I am…"

"I…" the asari croaked "…think you are crazy."

Jane shot her on the spot. She told herself after it was because the poor woman was suffering. At any rate, something was obvious. She had time before Cerberus figured out where she was, the agent was obviously not helping them out, but someone was coming, and depending on what they heard, they could come knowing what she looked like, or worse, Shepard herself could come. Not that it had to be worse though. Nialy probably had something to do with them not following her. Nialy had surprised her; really, she seemed to have been much smarted than she ever knew. Jane supposed the girl couldn't have been a scientist if she wasn't. Jane looted the asari's body, got out some inconspicuous clothes, and some credit chips. When she went to change though, in some public bathroom, she found that in her jacket she had more chips, and rather valuable ones. Suddenly, she knew exactly what to do.

…..-….-….…-…..-….-….

Aria T'loak was… not stressed, but certainly didn't feel relaxed. The last couple of days, the last week actually, had been packed with pathetic people not taking ahold of themselves, and of course, Cerberus. Normally seeing Shepard would be a relief, for the Commander was too sympathetic for her own good, helping everyone everywhere, except the woman walking up her steps didn't hold the air she normally did, and not to mention the casual wear, or longer hair. "Check her." Aria ordered. Shepard didn't put up a fight, but she never did, she was prudent. The universe lacked prudent people, wasn't her problem though. "Sit." Shepard sat. "What is it?" Asked Aria when Shepard took too long.

"I'm not Shepard."

Well… Shepard could be a joker, but not with her, not in this proportions. Still. "Aren't you?"

"I aren't. I am her clone."

"If you are lying to me…"

"I aren't."

"Scan her, for masks and cybernetics." Aria's boys did as ordered, and both tests proved to be negative. She told the truth. "Who made you?"

"Cerberus." Immediately, Jane had ten guns pointed at her head.

"Then, you are pretty stupid to come here. What do you want?"

"The people you are concerned about. They are a rogue cell. We want to take care of them, amongst other things, and you want to take care of them. So, I have a deal."

"Speak."

"I will take Shepard's place, one way or another, sooner or later. It is within our knowledge that you two trust each other-"

"I don't trust anyone."

"…are on amiable terms then. She will hear about me, we have made sure of that, for which she will be here soon. Give me a convincing place to stay, have a person of your trust speak about me in the entrance of the bar, and when she comes to ask you what is going on, you strike a deal with her. Action in exchange of information."

"She deals with your cell, and I tell her…"

"…where I am. I walk around, go to the Bolca district, we mount a believable scene, they try to talk to me, we ambush them and…"

"You kill her, and take her place."

"Not kill. She goes around with companions. We kidnap them, and I act as if I am her, and she had escaped. They follow me back to the ship, simple. Before that, however, we need to know how is her relationship with them, her plan, and any other important information. Also, fingerprints. We'll need them replaced in public documents. For all of this, I'll need your people."

"Why?"

"Her companions can't get a sniff of Cerberus' involvement."

"There's a problem with your plan."

"That is?"

"What happens with you?"

"We show her body, say it's mine. Apart from the obvious benefits, you can count on Cerberus support if you are ever tried to be overthrown, and a significant pay. So, do we have a deal?"

"You offer me to trick Shepard into taking out Cerberus from under my toes, something you will do anyway because they betrayed you, and then helping you take her place, for money I already have and a back-up I don't need."

Jane didn't answer for straight twenty seconds, before… "I offer you a partnership. Otherwise, we _will_ have to… support someone more receptive of our cause. And, well, if you can deal with the cell, then there's really no need for us to waste our resources with them."

"You come here, to threaten me, in _my_ station?" Aria took out her gun.

Jane kept her cool. "I come here to offer you a deal. You have my gun, and I am alone. Truly, I don't want this to become something it doesn't have to. You lose nothing with this, and Shepard, right now, is on the run from everyone. She really is not the best ally right now." Aria had to recognize the truth in that last statement. When she explained Omega's rules to Shepard, she well knew she was talking to someone that wasn't to be fucked with either. But when the powerful fall, one has to move from the old order and know who to side with.

"How do I even know you are telling the truth?"

"I consider myself proof enough. But you probably know Cerberus wastes no expense. If you want to see some of the credits." She took out the credit chips.

"Chips?"

"Wouldn't want to be tracked back. Precautions. You understand."

"Of course."

"So, deal?"

…

"Deal."

"Good, now you have to…"


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's note: Thank you guys for getting here with me. Comments, I have said, are truly highly appreciated. And if there is something you haven't understood, or an error I haven't picked up, you tell me.**

"Well, you are effective." Jane managed, leaning over the table, getting close to the screen which showed Alenko's… cell. She had thought Aria more proper than what those dirty cramped compartments suggested, that she took better care of her facilities, though she shouldn't have, this was Omega, this the underworld. All Aria had to do, was seem dangerous, and they'd leave her be. The dark cameras' chamber they were in, illuminated only by the image of their prisoners in an unnerving glow, positioned high so that many could revel in the symbolism of power, was more than enough proof. Maybe Cerberus was much higher in the food chain that she'd initially guessed, which would mean, she had very little time before either they came for her, or Aria discovered her lie.

"I don't need you to tell me that." Aria's annoyed voice came from her right. That was true, Jane admitted to herself. Using Shepard's team up with Archangel to convince those mercenaries to put up that little show was perfect. But Aria's tone revealed something, the woman didn't like her, maybe she didn't like what she was doing, maybe she liked Shepard, like so many sickening people did, but that meant she had another interest in mind, another reason for helping her against her own wishes, and it was something more than Jane menacing her with Cerberus' wrath. That meant she would not question that much, she would refrain to not feel the discomfort. And that Jane counted as an advantage.

"That is Kaidan Alenko." Jane muttered to herself, getting back to her task of figuring out how the heck to get the crew to come with her. That guy had to appreciate Shepard greatly, served with her in the first Normandy, refused to accompany her when involved with Cerberus, however, if the dates were anything to go by, helped her escape and joined her in a flash at the first hint that involvement was done. Jane knew that it in itself didn't mean anything, but the fact that she found him intensively attractive, both for his looks and the way he held himself, did. If they had that kind of trust, coupled with the sexual tension, the chances of there not being anything were as thin as a petal. She blinked, a petal? Where had _that_ comparison come from? She'd never even seen a rose.

"Yes." Replied Aria, pulling her back down to the matter at hand. "Stop wasting my time, and go down there."

Jane didn't move for a second or two, then slowly turned her head to Aria, kinda startled, very startled, actually. Was the queen of Omega truly that impatient? Had she done something suspicious? Was she angry about something unrelated? Was she- could she be trying to reinstate her authority to her people when paying her such a big favor? Jane blinked. It didn't matter. She wanted her to do something? She would do something. "I'm getting Kaidan out of his cell." She declared. "Make it look like I escaped, then we recapture him. To him, it must look like I am too."

"And why would you want to do that?"

"I am going to pass as Shepard. See how he reacts to me."

Aria raised an eyebrow at her. Jane didn't know if it was for surprise, disappointment or unimpressed-ness. "Your hair."

Yes, it needed to be cut.

In the exterior, Alenko looked as relaxed as one could expect, waiting for a change, a chance, a focused soldier, a veteran, who knew by experience the course of action could only be determined with time. But that was thanks to his control. Inside, Kaidan's mind was reeling. He happened to be horrible at compartmentalizing. When he was in a situation all thoughts rushed at him at once, sure there was a system of prioritizing, sorta, but with nothing to keep him occupied, with the secured door, the un-hackable ropes and the camera on the roof telling him there was no escape, nothing obstructed the current of negativities.

Would he ever see Agatha again? Was she ok? Was she dead?

What the hell had happened? Had they been betrayed? Was it that assassin?

Would he be interrogated? Would he be asked to reveal Alliance secrets?

What would happen with the reapers? Had everything they had done been for nothing?

Would he never… be able to tell her how much he loved her?

What would his parents think? What would his dad say? Would they all be remembered as traitors?

Why was there a clone? Why had it been left loose? Was this a Cerberus plot?

Liara was out there, Anderson too, surely there was hope against the reapers?

Would his last conversation with her be tainted with his stupid mistrust over a clone? Stupid mistrust, period!

There was a goddamn way to get out, right? Get a feel of where they were? Right? Right?!

How could he have been such an idiot as to realize anyone with Agatha's mind wouldn't just go probing around? Why couldn't he have not warned her?

A "thum, thum" reached his ears. Gunshots. Someone was fighting. It couldn't be that far, considering the walls muffled sound. She could still be alive. He looked up at the camera, then his eyes fleeted and glared at the door. She was close. Wait, his head alerted, how will she know where you are? If someone comes to shut you up, then you will have your way free. With renewed enthusiasm he fought his restraints and howled, at the top of his lungs, "Shepard!"

Jane had just begun feeling bad for the wall, what with it's new, numerous holes, when she heard the cries, strong enough to be heard, and steady enough to not be considered panicked or desperate. She began pointing at the men she wanted to stop shooting. When they had all stopped, with a few lying down to play dead, she answered with her own yell. "Kaidan!"

"…Shepard? Shepard! Here!"

"Kaidan!"

When the door was pushed open, and Kaidan saw Agatha hurriedly coming in, her clothes filthy and a bit bloodied, and her hair, as always, a mess, he thought she looked beautiful. Maybe it was his relief, maybe he was that in love, maybe he had died and thus, everything seemed beautiful, but he was more inclined to belief it was because the look suited her nature well, and that, well, she was Agatha.

"Agatha!" He said, his voice hoarse.

"Kaidan…" She locked eyes with him, and he felt weird. They conveyed so little. She walked directly behind him, and proceeded to cut his bindings. Kaidan was strongly urged to hug and kiss her, but this wasn't the place, and their relationship wasn't there, yet.

"Where are the rest?" He asked.

"I don't know." She replied easily, stepping to the door and checking for enemies. She wasn't so careful so soon, ever, but that wasn't bothering Kaidan, her answer was bothering Kaidan, the lack of worry.

"You don't know?"

She turned towards him. "No." At his confused silence she added with force and determination, "Yet."

That sounded more like her. "Ok, what's the plan?" He asked.

"We find them!" She said, and darted into the corridor. Typical, making it up as she went. As soon as he began following her, he realized something. She didn't move like that. Her hair was a mess, but that was not her kind of messy hair. She was unusually quiet for such a situation. She hadn't even expressed her relief at seeing him alive, and normally, he would see nothing wrong with that, but the only reason she would not do that would be because she was extremely distressed, was annoyed at him, or 'cause she was incredibly focused. None were the case. Her shoulders were not so tense, nor were they roling, and there was no glaring for him. No, this wasn't his Agatha.

He knew his Agatha. He would always know if someone wasn't his Agatha. He had known her best. He would always know her best. He would know when she wasn't. He knew now she wasn't. He do truly been an idiot. He raised his gun. Shooting her image would be incredibly easy knowing it wasn't truly her, whomever this clone was, whatever it was playing at. He felt a pain in the base of his neck, and then a numbness, his vision blurred, and he…

Fell.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: I'm back! I bet you thought I had abandoned you or something. But that's not the case, I am here, and I am with the update. My posts won't be as they were at the beginning, almost every two days, because I have discovered, it drains me. Producing long periods of nothing. But I AM BACK! As always, tell me if there's something wrong with the writing, if you can't quite follow the story, if it is too difficult and you are getting bored. I can't get better if I am walking in the dark, and I need you guys to give me the light.**

When Kaidan woke up, he was tied again to the chair, and Agatha- no, not Agatha, was there, sitting with her legs crossed in front of him, the door at her back. She smiled. She wanted to be cute, he realized, but the fact that she was trying was ruining the effect. He pressed his lips together, this woman wanted to say something. Would probably try to convince him that she-

"Name's Jane."

-maybe not. Actually, not trying to look restrained should probably have tipped him off. Now, where does a clone get a name from? Should he ask? Keep quiet? Maybe, if _he_ convinced _her_ to take off _his restrains,_ which would probably involve a degree of nodding and agreeing at whatever she said-

"As in, Jane Doe." She clarified, her smile turning off gradually. "I am no-one."

He frowned at that. Agatha always said he was sentimental, not only that, romantic, but if… _Jane Doe_ wanted to turn this into a pitiable fountain; he really was not falling for it. "I bet that justifies a lot." He retorted.

"It doesn't." She shrugged. "But it does enough." She stood up, and circled him. Something about her stance told him he was in for a speech; he knew well that Agatha could, at times, have a knack for the dramatic, and well, _clones_. "I know she has done me no, direct intentional wrong, per se, but it is not her I must care for. I could, with the right training which shouldn't take so long, it didn't take so long with her and for all anyone knows I could be even more gifted, do better at her job. I don't have her memories, I am detached, I am everything she ever wanted to be." She stopped in front of him, face to face, her feet fifteen centimeters part. "How many people has Agatha Shepard killed, Mister Kaidan Alenko?" He did not answer to her, but they both knew the answer: hundreds. She took out a pistol from behind her and shot at a camera after winking at it, holstered in, opened up her palms, showing them to him, and dropped the bomb. "All the blood I have in these hands comes from one person, one." She crouched down to be level with his eyes. "I am more innocent, I am more efficient, I am cooler, in both senses." A pause. "Are you together?" She asked, and leaned in, inches from his face.

"No." He said, he sounded serious, but anyone that close could hear the slight strain.

"But you want to be." She read, a little closer. "You aren't. But you could. With me. Nothing wrong about it, you would just be doing what is more…" She bit her lower lip, searching. "…convenient. For everyone. For her too, she wouldn't be so close to the danger anymore. Everyone happy, everything _right_. All you need to do, is help me."

Had Kaidan been thinking, he would have kissed the woman, tricking her into believing he agreed. But Kaidan wasn't thinking, or at least he couldn't hear his thoughts, how could he? With the face he loved so close, so available, so _right there_? Painting this perfect, beautiful picture? But he knew he was thinking, and he knew, that whatever it was, in hated the simple notion of touching those soft, pinky, familiar looking lips with his. "I am not helping you." He stated, voice hoarse.

She breathed in through her nose, and nodded. "I am very sorry for that." And she was, he was handsome. She considered giving him a peck, just because she could… but she didn't. He would put, probably, an angry disapproving face and that was hardly what she wanted for what would essentially be her first kiss. Unpractical stupid view, yeah, but while she didn't think those things should be special, she certainly wanted them to be pleasing. With that, she straightened up, turned around, and left.

The door closing was the signal that let Kaidan drop his shoulders and his head back. He exhaled. Closed his eyes. "Shit." He murmured, calming himself down, be it from lust, anger, disgust, fear, confusion. He, for once, emptied his mind in the process, and when everything was silent in that mind of his, he heard it. The electricity. Thraa-tirk-thurr-tirk. He opened his eyes, his head still thrown back, and he saw it. The camera was destroyed. The cables, severed and out, exchanging electricity once in a while, were proof enough. He smiled. No more torment. He could focus on something now. He could escape.

"You did not convince him that you were Shepard. You did not convince him to join you. You damaged my equipment. You are a deception and your most important chip is useless. Do we kill him?" An irritating annoyed voice said.

Jane looked over her data-pad. Aria was the voice's owner. Oh, Jesus Christ Aria, frustrating dangerous Aria that could and would kill her if she knew the truth, she really did not feel up for the complexity tangled when talking with the Asari. But she had to; she may as well do it decently. "If it was only for Cerberus, and I had no personal interest with this-" Aria threw her the angry look of a professional. "-well. Yeah, I don't think there's anything to be done about him anymore." Aria turned and made the signal just as something popped into her mind. "No, no, wait!" Aria grunted and made the cancel signal. "He may have been my defining chip when going back to the Normandy as Shepard." Jane explained. "But that is actually Shepard!"

Aria frowned. "It's not like you can take Shepard and-"

"No, but I need him alive. I can hold him over Shepard's head and gauge her reaction. Use it, and replicate it with the crew, but for the context of Kaidan being dead, so it will be slightly changed."

"You're a good actress?"

"If I am not, they'll be stranged-out but will not suspect anything." Aria nodded, and so, Jane went over to Agatha.

Kasumi, on the ship, appeared right besides Garrus as he did his calibrations. He did not see her. She tapped his shoulder.

"Grrrrrrrr!" Exclaimed the dual voice as he jumped back, and then, he looked at her. "Goddamnit Kasumi." He went over to the consol. "You made me mess the calibrations."

Kasumi smiled lazily. "You will fix it anyway." Then she got serious. "Don't you think Shepard and the rest have been away too long?"

Garrus paused. "You think?"

"You know her better, can she take so long?"

"Yes… but I don't think…"

"I say we do reconnaissance."

 **RETAKING CHAPTER 21**

"What happened?" Asked Agatha.

Jane wetted her lips. "I made a deal with Aria, set you up into believing you were capturing a little lost girl, capturing everyone in your group and you to obtain a goal."

Agatha huffed. "You just told me the obvious."

"I'm being truthful though."

 **Author's Note: Please comment.**


End file.
